Oh The Places I Went


I’d like to say that I’ve been missing because I’ve been so busy rolling around on my piles of cash or discovering a new species of Komodo Dragon and riding it around Los Angeles, but sadly I have no piles of cash and Komodo Dragons are notoriously grumpy. Plus I haven’t lived in LA for the past 4 years. I need to keep vodka next to my computer because this is depressing me.

"Na na na na na na - you're too fat to put a harness on me and ride me!"Who knew Komodo Dragons were such dicks?

“Na na na na na na – you’re too fat to put a harness on me and ride me!”
Who knew Komodo Dragons were such dicks?

In reality I got really sick with a bad cold mid-November. It was all I could do to work from home and sigh dramatically. The cold traveled into my face like a rooting mole and became simultaneous ear and sinus infections. In the midst of my illness from hell, Anonymous Software Company decided to send me to Europe. Since this has been my dream ever since I first saw a map of the world, I put my big girl pants on and stopped whining about being sick.

Unfortunately, the illness relapsed during the stress of working 14 hour days and what has become the WORST plane trip I’ve ever taken (damn you Air France!). Suddenly I was unable to walk a straight line, suffered from vertigo lying down and was nauseous from the dizziness. My ear infection worked it’s way into my inner ear and became Labyrinthitis. That’s a real thing by the way, not just some sort of reference to David Bowie stealing a baby.

That meant two weeks of no work and sleeping while sitting up which is even less comfortable than it sounds. I’ll quit my whining about being sick by ending this diatribe saying that I got sick mid-November and I still have a gross cough and it’s almost February. I’m like Typhoid Mary…but somehow Labyrinthitis Zoogie2 just doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Meanwhile during this time Studly and I had a huge 2 month fight, which culminated in an argument over whether we should stay together. Side note – in a rare turn of events I was 100% right and he was 100% wrong. The fight was whether I could stay with him, despite him being wrong…I’ll update more about that in it’s own post.

In summary, sorry I ditched you guys. I have 10,000 posts about SlipNSlide, RockStar, Studly, work drama, promotion, my trip to Europe and Hawaii…*huge hacking cough*.



Active Listening

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Hometown is known for the various holidays and festivals it throws – it’s a small resort town so attracting tourists is how the town gets most of its income. When I was a kid, I volunteered to help out in some of the parades and the woman who was in charge of the floats was a kind woman, but she had the most beautiful necklace I had ever seen.

According to what she told me, her great grandfather was a pearl diver and during one of his dives he found a small black pearl. Rather than sell it, he had it set in silver and gave it to his wife and it was passed down throughout their family.

You coudld tell the silver was old, since it had that polished-often look and wasn’t absolutely perfect like items bought from Tiffany’s. It two half circles in silver above the pearl, almost like a half moon. I told myself that someday I would have a gorgeous black pearl necklace too. A few years ago I found a similar necklace and the jeweler told me he could give me a huge discount if I bought that day. By nature distrustful, I went online and found it significantly cheaper and this was before the days when you could go onto Amazon and find everything at a steep discount. I held off on buying it.

I know this crappy picture looks like a pearl wearing headphones, but those are actually two half circles in silver that look like a half moon…

A few months ago I indulged Studly by going to a Swap meet. I’m the type of person that doesn’t shop often because I don’t really need anything and Studly is the type that loves a bargain. We walked by a jewelry tent and I insisted we stop in to look for a similar necklace. That’s the only time I mentioned the necklace to Studly.

When he came back from his business trip, he told me to close my eyes for a surprise. After the requisite sex joke, I closed my eyes and waited. He pulled out a small box and opened it to reveal a gorgeous black pearl necklace even more beautiful than the one in my memory. Since Studly loves a bargain, I figured that it was cubic zirconia but when I searched for the necklace online to post a pic here, I saw that this shit is actually diamonds!

Isn’t it beautiful! I’m wearing it right now 🙂

Holy crap, I have some bling around my neck…

Throwback Thursday – Nanny or Not

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Working as a nanny had it’s upside sometimes: Freckles loved to make homemade smoothies so we experimented with different fruit combinations and each had our favorites. We would sip on smoothies and go over her parent-assigned homework or jump on the trampoline in her backyard until she fell down in exhaustion.

It wasn’t all fun though. I was expected to drive her to various practices, day camps and play dates, as well as do simple chores like return their Blockbuster movies and pick up the birthday cake for their dog from the dog bakery. Yes, people really buy stuff like that. I contented myself with the knowledge that I would get paid back all of the mileage from these trips, so they didn’t bother me too much.

Then one day I walked into her dad’s house to discover the police interviewing Freckles’ stepmother. She had left her brand new BMW in the driveway with the keys in the ignition and someone had stolen it. I grew up in a fairly safe, small town and was one of those kids that almost never got in trouble – so I was completely unprepared for how I was about to be treated. As soon as I walked in the Stepmom pointed at me and said I was their new nanny and they should question me. Picture me about to chomp down on my half eaten muffin, freezing in the doorway with my teeth barely scraping the top while two police officers stalk over to me.

I was immediately ushered into the den and asked a series of questions: had I told any of my hoodlum friends about Stepmom’s propensity for leaving her keys in her car? How could I not know she did that often, don’t nannys know all of the family’s secrets? Where was I last night? Can I prove that I was at my house watching TV? Being able to recite the latest episode of House is not an alibi.

Being a 16 year old kid, I mostly just sat wide eyed and nodded to whatever the police said. After a long lecture on the type of punishment I would face if I were protecting the car jacker, they let me walk away and I discreetly called my mom. After telling her what had happened, she had me hand the phone over to Stepmom for a lecture of her own.

At the end of the summer Freckles’ family asked me to continue working for them during the school year. I would have to leave school immediately after my last bell while she hung out at her school for half and hour for me, which meant little flexibility in terms of social life or group projects. After finding out that work-experience class required a For-Profit job that filed taxes, I let them know that I would not be continuing and gave them plenty of time to find a replacement.

At the end of the summer I provided them with a detailed spreadsheet that included all of mileage broken down by date and where I was driving to or from. I handed  it off to Sandy who hemmed and hawed and eventually just refused to pay, saying that she didn’t think it was fair. After quite a few harsh words between her and my mother, she ended up saying we didn’t have a written contract so there would be no way to enforce it. My mom was pissed.

What I learned from that job: Contracts are very important and rich people are assholes.

Back But Different

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I’m back from falling off the side of the Earth – I got the flu, Studly came home, went to the doctor and got news. I’ll update tomorrow, when I feel decent.

Actually, tomorrow I might not feel decent either. Either way tomorrow is a new day…

The Big Fight – Alcohol vs. Alcohol

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I did this for you guys, you’re welcome. There I was on a Friday night and I realized I had no plans and didn’t really want to go out. I had a dinner party I was making dessert for the next day, so I figured I’d stay in with some wine and make dessert. As I was wandering in the alcohol section of my local grocery store, I saw something marvelous…a cocktail pouch.

I’ve been slammed with the Arbor Mist™ commercial every time I try to watch Hulu, so I’ve seen the 30 second commercial with some gorgeous woman in a pure white kitchen (I call bullshit!) delicately pouring her Arbor Mist wine cocktail into a glass and popping a straw into it before sipping it slowly. I saw that they had a promotion where it was only $1.99 or something for a pouch, so I figured I’d try one. Then I saw a competitor in a Daiquiri flavor right next to it. I knew my Friday night was about to get awesome. I bought one of each for…ummm…market research. Yeah, that’s why I bought them.

Let’s get ready to rumble! And drink 🙂


Arbor Mist
Loved the look of the packaging much more than the Daiquiri pouch, but they were selling them individually as well as in a six pack cardboard box, similar to a six pack of beer. What the fuck? If they were trying to get men to feel more comfortable carrying it around, they failed. The pouches don’t look right in the box due to their shape – it looks awkward. What would have been better would probably have been a reusable bag with their branding on the side or even a box similar to what Popsicle sticks are placed in. The six pack grouping looked strange.

I realize strawberry daiquiris are red, but the packaging looked outdated and “typical” for this type of drink. It’s a similar look that is on glass bottles of daiquiri sold in stores – I guess it just didn’t seem very inventive to me. I probably would have made the majority of the pouch with the daiquiri cup dominating it since they could have worked with the lines of the pouch. Or maybe put fingers curled around the pouch to emphasize that it is made to fit perfectly into your hand. Maybe with a playful straw image on the front to imply that you can rip the pouch open and stick a straw in – no glass required. See the cool ideas for a more modern looking pouch? This is gold people, gold!


I gleefully carried them home and read the instructions, which I really should have reviewed in the store. They needed to freeze for five and eight hours. What the fuck!? My Friday night was screwed! I was pissed when I put them into the freezer. I think that representatives from the company should push for stores to put these in the alcohol freezer section too (where the beer is), so you can literally grab it, take it home and open it without having to wait hours for the damn things to freeze.


I had to wait until my dinner party the next night to try them. They were good but after drinking both I felt a light buzz. They were fairly priced (about what a beer would cost), but if I’m going to go through the trouble, I’d like to have that nice relaxed feeling that a few beers gives you. At least they taste better than most beer. So I gave them some help and took two shots and had a nice evening with some friends. I would probably buy them again for a girl’s night in or something, but it wouldn’t convert me from my current alcohol choice (beer and raspberry Smirnoff).

*NOTE: I was not paid in any way for this review. Wish I had been though.

Back…Back Again

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Just back from a vacation with Studly. Ready to sleep! But I have some posts for you…

This Old Economy

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You know the economy hasn’t caught up to rising gas prices when you walk down a street and every car parked there has had the gas tank ripped open and all of the gas siphoned out. I would have taken a pic but there were too many people milling around screaming about their car.

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