The End of SlipNSlide


After RockStar realized that SlipNSlide fit the profile of ‘once a cheater, always a cheater‘, he dumped her. He vowed to save up money while living with Mom and Harley, since supporting SlipNSlide for the past few years had drained his savings and he wanted to be single for the first time since high school to learn more about himself.

That lasted all of five minutes.

Within a month he was in a new relationship with Perky. I got along famously with SlipNSlide because she was down to earth, a regular sized gal and funny as hell. I’m awkward around Perky because I’m not sure she’s human. She is:

  • Blonde
  • Skinny
  • Pretty
  • College Education
  • Professional Office Job
  • Significant savings Account
  • Marathon Runner

What is there to relate to!? I have curly, frizzy brown hair, I’m curvy because I prefer to read more than move my ass off the couch. While I’m college educated with a job, I’m pretty mellow and average. She sounds like a walking, talking Stepford Wife!

On the other hand, RockStar seems happy so I’m glad about that. He settled down with Perky and they seemed pretty damn happy for a few month but then SlipNSlide moved back to hometown. I guess her months of interning for no pay with no job prospects led her to financial ruin, so she moved back in with her family. She and RockStar had stayed Facebook friends (WHY!?) so she was privy to every joke and pic and status update for him and his new beau.

I was hanging out, drinking daiquris with him (can you tell it was my round to treat?) when he received an email from her. He handed his phone to me to read and blog-friends, how I wish I could have forwarded this to myself to share with you verbaitum!

Unfortunately I couldn’t forward with him watching me, so I’ll summarize. It said that she missed him and wanted him back, but could see that he was happy for now without her. She could see everything that he and “the new girl” in his life were doing via Facebook, and she thought that they would still be together if he had done some of those things with her. She cried about him everyday wishing they were back together and she held out hope that they would end up together someday.”

…”she thought that they would still be together if he had done some of those things with her“. I should explain. SlipNSlide loves to dance, to party, to go out. When they first started dating, like most men, RockStar actually gave a flying fuck and tried to impress SlipNSlide by taking her out and attempting to dance. I say attempting because while my brother is many things – including very gifted musically – when he dances he looks like a chicken going through electroshock therapy.

Toward the end of their relationship, RockStar was working tons of overtime hours trying to keep them financially afloat since SlipNSlide and their housemate weren’t contributing to the household expenses at all. Most nights he would get home, fall onto the couch and fall asleep right away. On nights that SlipNSlide whined until they went dancing or out to a movie, she constantly berated his clothing, saying that he didn’t look nice enough. I’m sure she could afford her nice shoes since she wasn’t paying rent, utilities, groceries or any other cost.

Now that he’s with Perky, he’s essentially reset his clock back to “Impress Woman” phase – taking her out and looking nice now that he’s built his savings back up. I’m galled, appalled, shocked that SlipNSlide implied that they’d still be together (ie – she wouldn’t have CHEATED) if he’d worn nicer clothing and taken her out dancing.

She really shouldn’t complain – he let her have all of the furniture from their place that he paid for so she could sell it and pay off some debt. He’s worse than a doormat.


The Ring

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I remember it was a gold set, but the actual design is hazy. The last time I saw it I was maybe 8 years old, but I remember thinking it was incredibly beautiful. My parents divorced when I was 5 after a bitter, violent, drunken marriage and my mom threw her rings at my dad (literally).

After they simmered down over the course of a few years, Dad decided that I would inherit the rings when I was old enough to get married / after his death. He died when I was 11 and we discovered that he’d had to sell the ring set years earlier to pay for his medical bills. I never really thought he had kept the rings, since he was living Social Security check to social security check by the last few years of his life.

In happier days, before my parents gave up on their marriage, my mom bought my dad a replica superbowl ring from his favorite football team. None of the diamonds in it were real and it was a total knock off worth maybe $15, but since it had no value he didn’t sell it. We thought the ring was lost after we went through his things to keep or donate after the funeral. It turns out my brother had taken the ring the day before the funeral since he was worried the family would take all of Dad’s items and leave him with nothing to remember his father by.

Mom and I only found out the ring wasn’t sold because two years ago when RockStar gave it to his girlfriend SlipNSlide as a promise ring. Yes, the same SlipNSlide who proceeded to cheat on him multiple times. There was a big fuss about RockStar giving the ring to SlipNSlide because according to Mom, since the wedding ring set was sold I should get the only other ring Dad owned. She told RockStar that he needed to give me the ring.

I won’t go into details about the family brawl it caused, but suffice to say RockStar and I didn’t speak for over a month and we agreed that SlipNSlide would keep the ring until he bought her an engagement ring. Then it would be mine.

Cue to present day, when RockStar helped SlipNSlide move two hours south to our closest major city. Mom confronted me about the aggreement RockStar and I had and told me to demand the ring from him. After much needling, I made a plan. I had my Dad’s confirmation bible and inside I had found a pendent of St. Christopher. I was struck by a brilliant plan! Put the pendent on a necklace and offer that to RockStar in exchange for the ring. This way he wouldn’t feel as bad about losing a piece of jewlery owned by Dad.

Before I had a chance to make my offer, Mom stepped in. She told RockStar that I was demanding the ring and needed it now. To get it back from his floosy girlfriend immediately. Ugh, talk about making a mess of things.

As things stand now, RockStar won’t hear of my trade idea and is pissed at me. However, SlipNSlide returned the ring after she was caught cheating, so that’s the silver lining.

The Breakup


Well, it happened – Rockstar finally broke up with his cheating girlfriend SlipNSlide just a few days before their four year anniversary. I thought he had intentionally planned it since it turned out so perfectly – she had moved two hours south after quitting the job they both worked at and he was on a three week vacation leaving time to mourn in a drunken haze – but it turns out that he hadn’t meant to break up with her at all.

After she admitted kissing JP (even though her texts suggested more than kissing happened), RockStar asked her to move out to give him some space. She took a job in a major city two hours south of Hometown and he helped her move, although they both said they were renewing their relationship – not breaking up. RockStar couldn’t afford their place alone so he moved back in with Mom and Harley (torture, I’m sure).

On her last day of work, she went to say goodbye to everyone including JP. While saying goodbye in front of a number of people, she somehow let it slip that she and JP had had a further relationship…too bad JP’s boss is one of the men SlipNSlide had cheated on RockStar with. After finding out that she had done him and then his employee, the boss got uber mad and told JP that he would only be getting bad assignments from then on. JP was furious and told SlipNSlide that since she had ruined his life, he was going to ruin hers by telling RockStar the truth. She rushed to pull RockStar into a private area so she could tell him she had fibbed a bit – she hadn’t just kissed JP, she had had sex with him multiple times; she admitted to everything. She reiterated how very sorry she was about that.

Poor RockStar had to suffer through work for the rest of the day, where he works closely with JP, JP’s boss and the other two men SlipNSlide had cheated on him with. In a word, he was furious but he stayed with her.

One night a few weeks later we had a family friend visiting and Mom’s house was full of people, RockStar headed back to his bedroom to talk to SlipNSlide on the phone. She was trying to convince him to go on a vacation to a Carribean island with her – despite the fact that she could not afford her rent this month and hadn’t gotten a job yet. He realized despite all of their problems, she assumed that they were OK as a couple because he hadn’t said anything about her revalation during her last day of work – and she would keep on cheating on him because there were never any consequences. So he made some: he broke up with her. Since then he’s seemed happier and we’ve gone out drinking a few times and he’s a hit with the ladies. Good for him, fuck you SlipNSlide.

And yes, I might still be a tad bit bitter that one of my best friends, a woman I considered my future sister-in-law, fucked a bunch of other guys making my brother cry and said she had feelings for my boyfriend.

Educated But Not Edgy

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I have limited willpower and today I hit that limit. By nature I am a snoop but I think that most people are. Studly is very open and I try my best to keep some distance and give him some privacy.

Bank statements and dividend reports strewn on the table? I avert my eyes – his financial situation is none of my buisness.

Journal conveniently located on the computer, causing my fingers to itch just to open it once? I exert superhuman strength and close the laptop.

Medicine cabinet propped open less than an inch, calling my name to open it fully? I carefully wash my hands or brush my teeth and step away slowly.

Handing me his phone while he leaves the room, asking me to look something up while the Facebook app is open and text messages just waiting for me to review? I take a deep breath and only open the app he requested.

But when he left his notebook at my house I couldn’t help myself. He has a small notebook that fits into his pocket and he takes it everywhere. He writes down little notes to himself and things he needs to remember. I’ve been dying to look in it since we started dating, but I’ve always held off. Until today when he left it at my house and I finally couldn’t take it anymore.

Going through it, I could tell it was in chronological order so I flipped through from most recent to when he first got it. And there, on one little page was something I had not expected. It was a list comparing his best friend / my brother’s (now) ex-girlfriend…and me.

Remember how SlipNSlide confessed she had feelings for him and then he decided not to spend as much time with her? It looks like (based on the entires surrounding this one) that it was around that timeframe when he made the list.

First of all, is anyone else dying to know what the fuck he crossed out? I tried to figure it out for over 20 minutes, but he really scratched it out. I’m wondering if it said CHEATER and he changed it to “impulsive”. Maybe that’s just me being bitter.

Next issue – what the fuck does “edgy” mean? Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of my education and the work I put into my degree, but what did he mean by edgy? Does that mean I’m predictable or something?

And finally the one that makes me most nervous is the line comparing whether we get on top during sex. Based on when I’m guessing this entry was made, he and I had already had sex so he knew I was game to climb on top. I could go the safe route and say that SlipNSlide has never been one to keep a secret and she’s told her own MOTHER that she won’t be on top. She’s not exactly known for keeping things like this to herself. So it’s possible that she brought it up in a conversation and that’s how he knew. I know that sounds implausible, but I knew about her entire sexual history within days of meeting her, including her sexual assault by a former boyfriend. She’s the type to over share. But there’s this niggling voice in the back of my head that wonders…during the time before he and I met after SlipNSlide cheated on RockStar with her previous best friend…was there even once when they were hanging out that one thing led to another and that’s how he found out?

In my opinion, if he slept with SlipNSlide before meeting me…well anything before meeting me is fair game. But how do I feel about the fact that my boyfriend may have slept with my brother’s girlfriend? There’s just something so…incestuous about it. Plus now that Studly and I know we have HPV, if he did sleep with SlipNSlide my brother is at risk. Or maybe that’s where he got it – she has cheated a number of times without using condoms.

I’m so torn now, because I was so sure that Studly would never cheat. When I first found out that SlipNSlide had a new best friend I questioned her about him because I was protective of RockStar.

“I wouldn’t cheat on RockStar again, I love him. Plus Studly’s last girlfriend really fucked with him, cheating on him over and over so he would never help someone else cheat.”

After meeting Studly, we talked about unfaithfulness and he said that it was a huge issue for him. It’s a deal breaker and he said he never wanted to go through that again. This should reassure me right? WRONG! Clearly by making this list, it indicates that he considered being with SlipNSlide even though she was dating someone else and he was seeing me. At that point in our relationship, we’d been dating less than a month and I was still going on dates with other men. We weren’t exclusive and hadn’t had The Talk. I wouldn’t be upset if he had considered someone else when we first started dating, it’s just the fact that the person that he considered was a woman I expected to be my future sister-in-law!

I’ll never tell him I snooped and I won’t let him know that I know about the list. But I can’t help but wonder…

Proof My Mother Overreacts

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My mom works as a bookkeeper at a company in the same business park that Anonymous Software Company is located. We see each other occasionally and sometimes take breaks at the same time to sit outside together on benches in the grass area between our buildings. This can be nice, but it also means my mom is able to track me down any time she wants to.

Over the past few years I grew close to Emmie, my mom’s coworker. She’s a few years older than me and one of those partying people that the quiet, home-bound types (like me) sometimes envy. After a few years of working with my mom, Emmie started to change drastically; this may have had something to do with her controlling boyfriend or her cancer diagnosis.

Before she had been preppy and cheerful, suddenly she ignored us all. Even saying “hi” while passing by garnered a glare. She stopped answering her work phone and stayed logged off of the company instant messanger, making emails the only way to communicate with her. Depending on who was emailing, she could leave you waiting for a reply for over a week. She also started sneaking out of work early on days that the boss wasn’t in the office or leaves early himself.

My mom is one of those people who can’t let things go. Most people would try to see what’s wrong and when they didn’t succeed they would just ignore her back. My mom thought it was an effect of the chemo…until Emmie beat her cancer and went into remission but her attitude stayed. A few months after the good news mom and I went on a walk around the parking lot and she started complaining, upset about Emmie.

“What has she done that is so friggen awful?” I asked, kindly of course.

“It’s just the way she treats everyone, especially me. Every morning I come in and say ‘good morning’ and she never says anything back! It’s very hostile.”

“Seriously? It’s not a requirement of her job to say good morning and it’s not important to the business. Not saying hello doesn’t create a hostile work environment.”

“That’s not the only thing! Her notebook, it drives me crazy.”

“Notebook? Like a diary?”

“I don’t know if it’s a diary, but anytime I get up or sit down at my desk, she’s writing notes in this little book. And if I happen to glance her way she snaps it shut, like I’m peeking. I have no clue if she’s writing down what she’s doing for work or writing notes about me. But it feels like it’s directed at me.” I had an instant flash to Harriet the Spy.

“I’m sure you’re just paranoid. Plent of people write down when they complete things or create to do lists to keep everything in order.” I kept up that line any time she bitched about Emmie and her notebook. Until the confrontation.

The other bookkeeper for this company is a man I’ll call Mr. Rogers – he’s just as cheerful as the actor, just much younger. Around 30ish. He’s in a perpetual good mood and I’ve never seen him anything but even tempered. He has also made comments about Emmie’s notebook and a few weeks ago he blew up at her about it.

After a long lunch meeting, he strolled into his cubicle – Emmie is located right between mom and Mr. Rogers. As he put down his computer, Emmie scribbled in her notebook and then made a comment about how she’d love to take a long lunch but had too much work to do. Mr. Roger’s snapped at her, telling her it was none of her business but he’d been in meetings and that if she had something to say to be an adult and say it and not mutter untrue gossip.

The next day all of the surrounding cubicles had been papered with a photocopied typed list of how to properly act in an office. #3 was circled, it said: “3. Respect others – do not yell at or belittle your coworkers.” Mr. Rogers asked Emmie if she had printed and distributed the papers and she denied it. He immediately marched to their boss’ office and when confronted by the boss, Emmie admitted that it was her. The papers were removed, although she was allowed to keep one in her cubicle. Mr. Rogers and my mom complained but were told it was allowed – another manager warned her that Emmie was in a number of minority groups – based on her race, gender and medical issues – and that her company has a history of ignoring issues from people like that for fear of being sued.

Last week mom and I went on a walk and she was extremely agitated. Her boss had called her into his office and asked her about Emmie’s desk. Apparently Emmie complained that her notebook and some personal items had been moved. According to mom, her boss emphasized that she was not being accused of anything but she felt like it was implied. She denied doing anything and went back to her desk, but worries that Emmie is setting up a hostile work environment claim.

Now that Mom is so worked up about it, every little thing is getting to her. The fact that Emmie sighs loudly when Mom picks up her phone, she slams her drawers and scribbles in that notebook drives her batty. Plus there’s a new thing.

“When she walks by my desk to go home she won’t look at me and as she passes by she says ‘ugh’. Every. Single. Day.”

“Don’t fixate, it’s not healthy.”

“You don’t know what it’s like to have someone treat you so badly all of the time!”

“When I was a kid, you used to tell me to ignore kids when they acted badly. It pissed me off that they got a pass for being jerks, so I’m going to piss you off. Guess what? Ignoring your morning greeting, sighing when you pick up the phone, saying ‘ugh’ when she walks by – it’s rude, but she can be rude if she wants. Get over it. It sounds like she’s doing it just to mess with you, in which case you can ignore it like an adult or you can get your own notebook and when she says ‘ugh’ or whatever, write notes. But not about her, write things like what project you’re working on, or things you can do to improve your job. That way if she complains about your notebook, you can hand it over and show that you haven’t been doing anything wrong. Then demand they look at her notebook. Either man up and start playing the manipulation game or learn to live with it.”

Mom is convinced that this all constitutes a hostile work environment…I’m not so sure. Any opinions?

SlipNSlide Dives off the Deep End

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SlipNSlide and I have not been close for a while now and after a phone call with RockStar, I don’t think we’ll ever be friends again.

SlipNSlide and RockStar have been dating for four years and being young (21) and stupid, you expect someone to make a few mistakes. I’m just not sure what the limit is on mistakes. I have been cheated on, but I didn’t know about it until two years after Pretentious Author and I broke up. By then I’d moved on, hated him only a tiny bit and was seeing someone else. So the pain, betrayl and hurt was blunted, unlike what I’m sure I would have felt if I had found out while we were still together.

RockStar and I have the type of relationship where we don’t talk all of the time, usually just about the big things in our lives. But when we do have something to talk about, we don’t hold back. I know when he and SlipNSlide had been seeing each other for two months, he found out she was sexting (naked pics!) to one of their coworkers. Her explanation was that they had never had an “official” talk making them exclusive – RockStar had just assumed they weren’t seeing others. She pointed out that RockStar still talked to and hung out with his ex, so what was SLipNSlide to think? As someone who has casually dated a few men at once, I understood her argument. Unless there is a discussion, you should never assume. But since RockStar had only had 3 girlfriends in his life and dated less than 5 women…he assumed. They worked it out and all was quiet on the western front until last year.

Then SlipNSlide disappeared from my life. We used to hang out every few days and suddenly she was really busy and just didn’t have time to hang out with me at all. Eventually I learned the whole story. She started hanging out with one of their coworkers and became best friends with him. I had met him before – he used to come dancing with us when RockStar declined, since Rockstar has the grace of an elephant in stiletto heels. She and RockStar hit a rough patch most long term relationships go through – the daily routine of living together, having virtually no money after expenses to do fun things and the easy familiarity that couples get, where farts become more common than orgasms.

I’m cute without bunion-causing footwear!

Her BFF was exciting and new and her work schedule became erratic with late nights, so it was easy to hide the fact that she was going from work to his house before heading home to her own apartment. Then, they slept together. And afterwards she asked him if they were an item and if she break up with RockStar that very night. His response? “Why would you do that? It was just a quickie.” All along she was just a booty call.

Who knows if SlipNSlide would have kept this secret night all to herself, but a week later a coworker figured out what was going on when he accidentally overheard a fight between the Best Friend and SlipNSlide. Since SlipNSlide and RockStar work together, she decided she had to tell him immediately, lest he find out from someone else.

After hearing her confession, he told her right away that he loved her too much to be without her and promptly forgave her. They renewed their love and decided to work on their relationship. That was stupid of him. First of all, regardless of how you feel in the moment, when you hear news like that you should take some time to work out how you feel and what you want to do. If you do stay together there should be changes – do they need to check in with you? Do you need couple’s counseling? Hearing a confession and offering forgiveness right away doesn’t fix underlying problems. In fact, he told her the next day that he was feeling upset and wanted to have that evening to work through it and she got mad at him, because he’d already forgiven her and it seemed like he was taking it back and according to her, that wasn’t fair. Wow.

So they stayed together and RockStar asked me not to judge her or be upset with her. Let’s recap all of the things wrong with this, shall we?

  • Asked BestFriend if they were together and said she would leave RockStar.
  • Only told the truth because otherwise he was going to find out anyway.
  • NO mention of STI testing.

You should note this is the story she told me. So her comments about leaving RockStar – ALL HER.

Then a few months later she confessed to having feelings for her other best friend, Studly. As in the guy I had just started dating. Studly kept his distance and I felt that I couldn’t trust her at all. RockStar heard her words and said everything was just fine between them because he knew Studly cared about me and wouldn’t cheat with SlipNSlide. What the fuck? Does anyone else see how wrong it is to be OK with your girlfriend crushing openly on someone else, because you know that someone else wouldn’t cheat on their girlfriend who happens to be your sister!?

Finally after Studly left on a three month business trip to South Dakota, SlipNSlide found a new best friend named JP. They hung out all of the time and she helped him with his infant son (baby mama is out of the picture). One night in a fit of insecurity, RockStar checked her phone and found damning texts from JP about how much he wants and misses her and how he wishes they could ‘have a night like last time again’. When confronted, SlipNSlide said JP kissed her and she told him it couldn’t go any further than that. Doesn’t sound like it based on JP’s texts, right?

It seems like a pattern where she cheats with her newest best friend who is always a coworker – so how can Rockstar ever trust her around work? How can he trust her at all?

Compounding this is the fact that Rockstar pays all of their rent and utilities/bills. So after hearing her side of the story, he decided he needed to live alone in their place and she’s moved back in with her parents. Right now they’re “dating”, which means she doesn’t sleep over but he takes her out. How nice for her – she’s found the perfect pussy whipped man.

How can he not see that in the past six months she’s cheated twice and if I hadn’t started dating Studly, it might have been 3 times?! Either she’s moved on and doesn’t want to be the one to break up with him, or she’s subconsciously ruining this relationship. In this case does the old adage ring true – once a cheater, always a cheater?

SlipNSlide’s Tantrum

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Ever since SlipNSlide admitted having feelings for my boyfriend, we haven’t really spoken. But since she is my brother’s girlfriend and my boyfriend’s best friend (when the fuck did I fall into an episode of Days of Our Lives?), I’m still invited to her birthday. Studly and I jointly gave money to RockStar to buy her a laptop and I wrote her a card from us. Studly also arranged for an additional small gift for her from him as well as helping clean her whole house and yard in anticipation for the party.

I showed up after work and it was clear almost everyone had been drinking for a while. I won’t go into too much detail but my ex-boyfriend Pretentious Author’s brother was there. Joy! He’s convinced I’m still in love with Pretentious Author and just too pathetic to move on. Even though PA got married…and had a kid…and is writing a book about his sexual exploits…and is clearly a jerk. Even after meeting Studly, the brother still seemed to think it was all a set up, but maybe that’s because he was totally trashed.

One thing that SlipNSlide wanted was a big stick that lit on fire for her to twirl around. She’s learning to be a fire dancer, which is actually pretty cool. Studly decided to buy a broom as a gift just from him and detach the head, so she would think that the stick was her fire stick. Then we would pull out the fire stick her sister bought her. Not the best idea when someone is drunk. She opened the broom and started screeching about how mean it was. Even when given the actual fire stick, she was still pissed about the broom and no one would let her light the damn thing because we were convinced if she breathed on it she would go up in flames.

I stayed just long enough for her to open her laptop and watch her mouth form the words, “It’s not an iPad“. At that point I was sober (I have no idea why I volunteered to be designated driver, I should have started drinking and made Studly drive) and I was completely done with her. I mostly avoided SlipNSlide, helping my mom to play beer pong for the first time and then watching her kick ass at Quarters. In her words, “I knew I learned something useful in college!”

Essential items for my mom in college…

Finally Studly came up to me and said he was tired and really drunk. We started saying goodbye to everyone and I realized the birthday girl was missing. We eventually discovered her in her bedroom trying to set up the computer alone. I gave her a quick hug goodbye and wished her a happy birthday. I left the room so that Studly and SlipNSlide could say goodbye alone.

There are some people who would find that strange or wonder why I wasn’t curious to hear what was said. It’s my belief that if you have to watch your significant other to make sure they aren’t doing something wrong or questionable, they’ll find a way to do it anyway. If you have to monitor someone, then maybe they aren’t the right person for you. If I felt that something inappropriate would be said or done after I left, I wouldn’t be with Studly. There wouldn’t be any point. And I trust that if something is said to him, he’ll tell me.

Which is exactly what he did.

Studly is one of those people who gives and gives. Those types usually find people who take and take, which is the type Studly usually dates. His last girlfriend had no job, no car, no prospects for either, relied on him entirely for everything and cheated on him frequently. He just kept giving her gifts and attention and love because he wanted to feel needed. Luckily he worked all of that out and is now with me and I can take care of myself just fine, thank you very much. SlipNSlide is a taker as well just like RockStar is a giver. SlipNSlide told Studly after I left that she was disappointed that he hadn’t given her an amazing gift like he had said he would. She felt like he could have done better.


To recap: he put in money for a laptop, got her a card, a broom and cleaned her house. For his birthday she gave him…a call at midnight. After pointing all of this out to her she said, “Yeah but you promised me a good birthday and this wasn’t good.” We left shortly after that and I haven’t heard from her since. What a sense of entitlement!

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