I Think I Made A Mistake

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Is it ever a good idea to tell your significant other that you “think you made a mistake a few weeks ago” while eating out in public?

NO.

But let’s back track a bit, shall we? Studly drove to see me for the weekend. On Saturday morning we headed out to a local bakery to try their Belgium waffles. I freaking love waffles and am always chipper when I know I’m getting some (that’s what she said). Add to that Studly had been particularly…umm…attentive to me and I was feeling cared for and after-glowey. In short, I was a fucking delight that morning.

I had barely started in on my waffle with Studly looked at me and uttered those horrific words and all I could think of was “he cheated on me, that bastard”. That’s what you were thinking too, huh? Well, we’re both wrong.

Backstory – last year I helped Studly fill out an application and write a letter of interest for a temporary position at his government job, basically someone who reviews other’s work independently of their managers. He got the job but failed the test and so was not allowed to be a reviewer. We’ll call this position “REP”, since that’s close to the actual acronym the government uses.

I slowly put my fork down and turned my eyes away from my waffle. “What are you talking about?” I asked, my heart in my throat, my stomach in knots and every other metaphor involving organs acting as they should not.

“Remember the REP job I applied for last year? I applied again this year.”

“When did you do this?”

“On my business trip to New York last month.”

“Oh. Last year you had to fill out an application and write a letter. I helped proofread yours, did you not have to do that this year?”

“I did those and turned them in.”

“Without me. Without my input or opinion or knowledge – ” I cut myself off because my voice was getting loud enough so that the table next to us was turning to look at me. I felt rage fill my body from my toe nails to the top of my head. I sat there silently, fuming.

Becoming a REP would include travelling an additional three months past when his current travel position would end. For the past six months we’d been discussing taking a class together and settling down nearer to each other than we currently live. When had he changed his mind about that and why had he waited until after he’d applied to tell me? Most importantly, why had he brought this up in a public area, especially when I was getting my waffle on?

I controlled my voice carefully, “When will you know if you were accepted into the program?”

He paused and slowly answered, “Yesterday.”

That’s when I got up, found the waitress and asked for a box for my waffle. I’d lost my appetite, which is a first. She brought the box and the check and while he hastily paid and tried to box his own food up, I walked out. Unfortunately, we’d come in one car so my grand exit was marred by having to wait for him to unlock the doors.

It was a tense, silent ride back to my apartment, where I stormed into my room and slammed the door, leaving him to put the waffles away. Sam the cat had been lounging on one of my windowsills and as soon as the door closed she ran over to it and started yeowling, demanding to be let in. I could hear Studly try to calm her down but she would have none of him. What a loyal little cat. I heard Sam growl at Studly as she realized he had done something terrible. Or possibly because he was enroaching on her territory. Maybe because he was wearing blue. It’s also a possibility that she just felt like being angry – with Sam, you never know.

I’ll skip the part where I got upset and punched a pillow and let Sam into the room while making sure to slam the door in Studly’s face. It felt really good to do that.

Sam was actually sympathetic to me cuddled up in my lap, letting me pet her fur and cry. Eventually I decided that giving Sam an impromptu tear bath was not how I wanted to spend my day, I wanted to spend my day demanding answers from Studly.

I’ll give you an overview of how it went instead of blow by blow dialogue. Mostly because I don’t remember exact quotes but partially because I’m lazy. According to Studly, he wanted to see if he could get into the program again after his bad record from last year. He didn’t originally plan on following through with it, until he got the acceptance and then he realized that he really wanted to do it.

I pointed out bringing up topics that are clearly private conversations in public places is not appropriate. He apologized. He did a lot of apologizing that day.

I felt angry, very angry but suddenly I had this terrible thought. You know when you get an idea in your head and you can’t shake it? You can’t let go of it until you confront it? Studly had been extra attentive the evening before and the morning of our fight….had he done that to put me into a good mood before he dropped the bombshell?!

He denied it, but I still have my suspicions. Ultimatley I ‘forgave’ him – and by that I mean that I won’t put up a fuss when he goes on his three month REP trip, but I expect a lot of fucking flowers when he gets back and some grovelling.

Worst of all I have not had a waffle since, because I flash back to that anger when I see one. Which is a shame because waffle-celibacy is no fun.

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Hey Jealousy

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Note: I wrote this while Studly was still on his work trip, but didn’t have time to post it. It was brought back up when Studly informed me that he would be on his next work trip during our anniversary. I am…less than happy. That’s a very kind way of describing my reaction to his news…

The worst thing about being in a long distance relationship is when you know that your significant other is hanging out with other people and you get a twinge of jealousy because you can’t even meet their friends. There could be some crazy-gorgeous girl hanging out with him, but you never suspect because her parents cruelly named her Fern, so you assume she has glasses and bad posture. Meanwhile she’s a hottie with a penchant for Daisy Duke jeans. Or maybe they named her Drew and you assume it’s some guy who went to Georgetown until you see a picture of them together.

Jealousy is hard in most relationships, but gets worse when the person is far away. Let’s be honest, even if it’s minimal we all “monitor” our significant other to some degree. Children are incredibly honest because they don’t understand social pressure to conform yet, so while adults realize that being too possessive is a negative trait many of us are just like that three year old in aisle 3 of the toy store, holding on to a stuffed bunny that was made in Indonesia for 30 cents but retails for $19.99 like it’s a life saver and they just fell off of the side of the Titanic.

Never letting go (of that overpriced bunny)…

Studly is very honest about his jealous streak, which I don’t mind until he fails to take into account that I have one of my own. Last week we were chatting on Skype and some kids were playing outside. They were throwing Snappers on the ground and with a sparkle of mischeif in his eye, Studly asked when I’d bought a whip.

I laughed and played along, “It’s just a quick dominatrix video Studly, I’ll send you an advance copy.” I giggled, then told him, “No, it’s just kids playing with Snappers.”

He stared at me for a few very long seconds and then got upset. After he’d calmed down he explained that even though it was a joke, the thought of me with someone else really hurt him. I apologized and said I wouldn’t make jokes like that again.

That wasn’t the only time my jokes hurt his feelings – a few days later I mentioned that I was going to the local fair with my cousin, a girl. She has a history of getting in trouble but is a mere 98 pounds, so I said that if worse came to worse I could stop her from doing something stupid by sitting my fat ass on her. Studly said he didn’t like the thought of me sitting on anyone but him, even if it was a woman and I’m straight…and she’s my cousin. Fine, I cut the jokes about sitting on relatives.

Then there was the day that Curly, my coworker that is usually a jerk  decided to be nice (I’ll write about this day later!). He held my car door open for me. When I mentioned the day in passing to Studly, he asked if Curly was interested in me. I guess men can’t be gentlemen without there being an ulterior motive.

It’s not like I haven’t been honest. I went to a bar with a friend and a man asked me out. I said, “I have a boyfriend” but that didn’t deter him so I left the bar since he wouldn’t leave me alone. I was honest with Studly that this had happened because I never want to keep something from him, have him find out and then lose his trust. Even though it’s nothing to worry about.

I’ve been accommodating to his jealousy and completely honest, but it seems like he didn’t expect that to be a two way street. He got drunk with his coworkers and Skyped me when he got home. Then when talking about one of his coworkers who is gay he said, “It’s fine that he’s gay, more women for me.” I realize he was drunk but really? REALLY? So not OK for me to joke about sitting on my cousin, but fine for you to joke about having a shot with many women. I shut that shit down right away, there will be no double standard in this relationship.

Jealousy – necessary evil or the sign of overly sensitive individuals?

The Breakup

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Well, it happened – Rockstar finally broke up with his cheating girlfriend SlipNSlide just a few days before their four year anniversary. I thought he had intentionally planned it since it turned out so perfectly – she had moved two hours south after quitting the job they both worked at and he was on a three week vacation leaving time to mourn in a drunken haze – but it turns out that he hadn’t meant to break up with her at all.

After she admitted kissing JP (even though her texts suggested more than kissing happened), RockStar asked her to move out to give him some space. She took a job in a major city two hours south of Hometown and he helped her move, although they both said they were renewing their relationship – not breaking up. RockStar couldn’t afford their place alone so he moved back in with Mom and Harley (torture, I’m sure).

On her last day of work, she went to say goodbye to everyone including JP. While saying goodbye in front of a number of people, she somehow let it slip that she and JP had had a further relationship…too bad JP’s boss is one of the men SlipNSlide had cheated on RockStar with. After finding out that she had done him and then his employee, the boss got uber mad and told JP that he would only be getting bad assignments from then on. JP was furious and told SlipNSlide that since she had ruined his life, he was going to ruin hers by telling RockStar the truth. She rushed to pull RockStar into a private area so she could tell him she had fibbed a bit – she hadn’t just kissed JP, she had had sex with him multiple times; she admitted to everything. She reiterated how very sorry she was about that.

Poor RockStar had to suffer through work for the rest of the day, where he works closely with JP, JP’s boss and the other two men SlipNSlide had cheated on him with. In a word, he was furious but he stayed with her.

One night a few weeks later we had a family friend visiting and Mom’s house was full of people, RockStar headed back to his bedroom to talk to SlipNSlide on the phone. She was trying to convince him to go on a vacation to a Carribean island with her – despite the fact that she could not afford her rent this month and hadn’t gotten a job yet. He realized despite all of their problems, she assumed that they were OK as a couple because he hadn’t said anything about her revalation during her last day of work – and she would keep on cheating on him because there were never any consequences. So he made some: he broke up with her. Since then he’s seemed happier and we’ve gone out drinking a few times and he’s a hit with the ladies. Good for him, fuck you SlipNSlide.

And yes, I might still be a tad bit bitter that one of my best friends, a woman I considered my future sister-in-law, fucked a bunch of other guys making my brother cry and said she had feelings for my boyfriend.

Educated But Not Edgy

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I have limited willpower and today I hit that limit. By nature I am a snoop but I think that most people are. Studly is very open and I try my best to keep some distance and give him some privacy.

Bank statements and dividend reports strewn on the table? I avert my eyes – his financial situation is none of my buisness.

Journal conveniently located on the computer, causing my fingers to itch just to open it once? I exert superhuman strength and close the laptop.

Medicine cabinet propped open less than an inch, calling my name to open it fully? I carefully wash my hands or brush my teeth and step away slowly.

Handing me his phone while he leaves the room, asking me to look something up while the Facebook app is open and text messages just waiting for me to review? I take a deep breath and only open the app he requested.

But when he left his notebook at my house I couldn’t help myself. He has a small notebook that fits into his pocket and he takes it everywhere. He writes down little notes to himself and things he needs to remember. I’ve been dying to look in it since we started dating, but I’ve always held off. Until today when he left it at my house and I finally couldn’t take it anymore.

Going through it, I could tell it was in chronological order so I flipped through from most recent to when he first got it. And there, on one little page was something I had not expected. It was a list comparing his best friend / my brother’s (now) ex-girlfriend…and me.

Remember how SlipNSlide confessed she had feelings for him and then he decided not to spend as much time with her? It looks like (based on the entires surrounding this one) that it was around that timeframe when he made the list.

First of all, is anyone else dying to know what the fuck he crossed out? I tried to figure it out for over 20 minutes, but he really scratched it out. I’m wondering if it said CHEATER and he changed it to “impulsive”. Maybe that’s just me being bitter.

Next issue – what the fuck does “edgy” mean? Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of my education and the work I put into my degree, but what did he mean by edgy? Does that mean I’m predictable or something?

And finally the one that makes me most nervous is the line comparing whether we get on top during sex. Based on when I’m guessing this entry was made, he and I had already had sex so he knew I was game to climb on top. I could go the safe route and say that SlipNSlide has never been one to keep a secret and she’s told her own MOTHER that she won’t be on top. She’s not exactly known for keeping things like this to herself. So it’s possible that she brought it up in a conversation and that’s how he knew. I know that sounds implausible, but I knew about her entire sexual history within days of meeting her, including her sexual assault by a former boyfriend. She’s the type to over share. But there’s this niggling voice in the back of my head that wonders…during the time before he and I met after SlipNSlide cheated on RockStar with her previous best friend…was there even once when they were hanging out that one thing led to another and that’s how he found out?

In my opinion, if he slept with SlipNSlide before meeting me…well anything before meeting me is fair game. But how do I feel about the fact that my boyfriend may have slept with my brother’s girlfriend? There’s just something so…incestuous about it. Plus now that Studly and I know we have HPV, if he did sleep with SlipNSlide my brother is at risk. Or maybe that’s where he got it – she has cheated a number of times without using condoms.

I’m so torn now, because I was so sure that Studly would never cheat. When I first found out that SlipNSlide had a new best friend I questioned her about him because I was protective of RockStar.

“I wouldn’t cheat on RockStar again, I love him. Plus Studly’s last girlfriend really fucked with him, cheating on him over and over so he would never help someone else cheat.”

After meeting Studly, we talked about unfaithfulness and he said that it was a huge issue for him. It’s a deal breaker and he said he never wanted to go through that again. This should reassure me right? WRONG! Clearly by making this list, it indicates that he considered being with SlipNSlide even though she was dating someone else and he was seeing me. At that point in our relationship, we’d been dating less than a month and I was still going on dates with other men. We weren’t exclusive and hadn’t had The Talk. I wouldn’t be upset if he had considered someone else when we first started dating, it’s just the fact that the person that he considered was a woman I expected to be my future sister-in-law!

I’ll never tell him I snooped and I won’t let him know that I know about the list. But I can’t help but wonder…

Evelyn’s Jump to Mr. Suspicious

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Well, that was faster than a quickie with a whore! Evelyn already has a new boyfriend (who we’ll call Mr. Suspicious) just weeks after her Facebook update crying about her ex’s new relationship. Coincidence? I think not. I didn’t even hear about this guy until the Facebook relationship update and they met 3 weeks ago.

Apparently the electricity went out in her neighborhood and he is a technician who went house to house to let them know it was back on. They started flirting and she gave him her number. Doesn’t that sound fishy? Anytime my electricity goes off, no one lets me know it’s back on. The TV just spontaneously turns back on with those screetching women on The View once the power line is fixed.

They started dating and moved into boyfriend/girlfriend titles right away. Despite the fact that his facebook says he’s engaged to another woman (supposedly they broke up) and he lost his job within days of meeting Evelyn, she’s opened up to him completely. What do I mean by that? Well…I went to a 50 Shades of Gray party (wearing a baby doll gray dress and a pair of fuzzy handcuffs with the key around my neck) and saw Evelyn’s mom…where she updated me on a few things.

Turns out Evelyn, after knowing this guy for six weeks and dating for three, decided to sign a year long lease with him and they’ve moved in together. So she’s legally tied to a guy with no job who she just met until the contact ends in August 2013.  Oh and she got rid of her phone and signed onto a phone plan with him. Brilliant move!

She hasn’t been in contact with me since telling me about Mr. Suspicious and apparently she’s cut everyone off. She claims she’s working a lot, but she won’t even return a text message – let alone a call. Given her history of abusive relationships (2 out of 4 boyfriends…) I think this could be a really bad sign. But now that she’s living 1,600 miles away with no close friends or relatives nearby…what can we do?

Parasites Are How You Show You Care

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Once you read the post this title will totally make sense but when I reread it I wondered if you would think I was pregnant. So just to clarify, I am NOT pregnant. My uterus is completely empty of any small people/parasites. Just in case you spend your time thinking about the state of my uterus. Onward to the story!

While Studly was recovering from his recent knee surgery and was staying with me, I noticed a rash on his arm. He’s allergic to a number of things – dust, cats, mold…I never clean my house and Sam the Cat is here to stay. We figured it was an allergy flare up and I vacuumed a bit. A few days later while helping him get boxers on over his bandaged leg, I noticed the rash had spread to his groin.

With an uneasy look at his hip, Studly said, “Um, I’m sure it’s fine.”

I raised my eyebrows imperiously (I’ve always wanted to raise my eyebrows imperiously – it just sounds so classy and commanding!) and pointed to the front door, “Car. Now.” After he hobbled downstairs I drove him to the doctor.

We’ve been dating for a while, are exclusive and have had a few talks about the future but I wasn’t sure he wanted me to go into the exam room with him. If it were my doctor I would say yes, he can join me. Unless it’s a lady parts doctor, in which case park your ass in the waiting room. You may get to see my lady bits, but normally in a setting with soft light and seductive sheets, not florescent lights and paper gowns. Keep the romance alive!

So before his name was called, I softly whispered, “Do you want me to go in with you? If not, it’s ok.”

He gave me a look like I was crazy and asked me to go with him. I guess if you’re willing to share your Facebook password and bank account information a little visit to the doctor about a groin rash isn’t even a blip on the radar. To clarify, he has shared that information. I would never use that against him. I, on the other hand, prefer to keep both of those things to myself.

We were called into the patient room and the nurse asked some routine questions. After stating that the rash had spread to his groin, the nurse actually physically moved away from Studly and quickly exited the room. We took it as a bad sign.

By the time the doctor came in, Studly’s face was strained and he was convinced he had some incurable disease. I think he was particularly worried since the rash was so close to his man-parts. After a brief exam the doctor nodded to himself and gave the diagnosis. “It’s scabies.” He proclaimed.

What is scabies? Basically they are teeny tiny little bugs you can’t see that lay their eggs in your skin. Gross, right? Right before his surgery Studly had been across the country for work and stayed in this hotel that had seemed less than stellar at the time. According to the doctor, the timing was right for having gotten the parasites from that hotel. Although he couldn’t really confirm it. Way to cover your ass.

I can haz home in ur skin
Almost like an LOL Cat…but not

“I wonder if I can claim worker’s compensation…” Studly mused, extending his hand for the prescription.

“Hold on.” I said, wondering why the hell no one was talking about this further. “What about me? I’ve been sleeping with him since he came back from the hotel. Am I at risk?”

The doctor asked some cursory questions like, “Do you have a rash?” and at my “Um, no. Would have mentioned it if I did.” He said that if I didn’t have it by now, I probably wouldn’t get it. “You probably just have thick skin.” He said with a smile.

That sounded really wrong. Not like I was insulted that he implied that my skin is tough like an Armadillo and not soft and delicate (ok, maybe I’m a little miffed about that), but it sounded incorrect. I have HORRIBLE skin. I have allergies and break out into hives at the smallest thing. I’ve had pityriasis three times in my life. That’s a disease that usually strikes once, if ever. My skin is extremely sensitive to light and to tempurature. I get nasty bruises just from a light hickey, remember? But I’m immune to bugs that dig into your skin. Right.

“What about Sam the Cat?” I asked, hoping against hope that I didn’t need to take her to a Vet.

The scabies killed Sam the Cat
Not really, just fucking with you.

“You have a pet?” He asked, surprised. Shouldn’t these be standard questions? “Your pet cannot get scabies, but they can be a carrier. Your animal will need to be bathed.” I suddenly pictured the last time I had to hunt Sam the Cat down and stuff her into her carrier to take her to the groomers. It was a nightmare. Studly took the prescription and we started planning the rest of our day. I made an appointment with the groomer for Sam, we got tons of quarters so we could wash everything and we headed home to catch Sam.

In a bit of luck, we discovered Sam the Cat lounging on the couch in a patch of sunlight. I quietly closed all of the doors she could use to escape while Studly got the cat carrier out. She lazily opened one eye and suddenly realized something was wrong. She’s only recently come to trust Studly, so it must have been quite a shock for her new favorite person to turn on her and try to catch her. While shrieking and running away, I finally managed to grab her only to have her pee all over me and I accidentally let her go. Luckily we were in the kitchen which is tiled, so it was easily cleaned up.

Finally, she gave up and let Studly catch her and stuff her into her carrier. He locked the door and gave a sigh, throwing himself onto the floor next to her where she was screaming like a banshee. After cleaning up the cat pee we got into my car and started driving. Then things got much worse, because while she was screaming I could say this was what was best for her, but then she changed tactics. Rather than yell, she began to cry. Piteously. Softly. Incessantly. It sounded like I had broken her heart. Suddenly I pictured all of the good times Sam and I had – the time I was sick and stuck at home and she never left my side. In the middle of the night when I heard a noise and she jogged over to my side of the bed to snuggle. Eating ice cream and watching X-Files together. How she waits outside of the shower for me every morning, licking her little paws and rubbing at her face like she’s getting ready for the day along with me. Licking my hand for the first time, almost like saying, “I love you, Zoogie2.

I wondered what she thought was going on. A nasty thought crossed my mind: is this is how it happened to her before, the times she’s been returned to the shelter? Did they drive her and just leave her there with no goodbye? Does she assume that’s what’s happening now? Does she think I’m abandoning her? And just like that I started to cry – because I was breaking Sam’s heart and she wasn’t able to understand why I was doing this to her.

Suddenly Studly was confronted with two sobbing females and he awkwardly tried to comfort me as we drove to the groomer. We dropped her off and I emotionally limped back to the car. Studly hung his head, later saying he felt worse about upsetting Sam and I than about the tiny bugs living in his dermis. How sweet!

We spent the afternoon washing every single item in my home that could go through a washer and dryer. After what seemed like an eternity, I went to pick Sam up. I held Studly’s hand as the Petco woman reached into the cage to pull her out and knew my kitten was going to be just fine when I hear her scream of rage and saw her ineffectually bat at the woman. The employee sighed and drew on thick gloves, but when she tried to drag Sam out by her waist, Sam held onto the sides of the cage with her little paws, screeching the whole time. Ah, my beautiful hellcat.

The drive home was silence from the backseat and I worried she would never forgive me when I let her out. She must have had a drop of pity in her soul,  because after bounding away from me with a glare she looked back. I felt so terrible that my head was hanging and I whispered, “I’m sorry, Sam.” She reluctantly scampered back to me just long enough to pet her before disappearing under the bed.

A few hours later I was Googling scabies and I looked over at the kitchen. Studly had just finished washing our dinner dishes and was playing with Sam the Cat before feeding her. As he tickled her belly and scratched her chin, I realized I’d never seen Sam take to anyone so quickly, aside from me. She playfully batted at his hands and purred her pleasure. I looked back at the screen and saw pictures of bugs; bugs that had infested my house, my pet and my boyfriend. Not once during the day had this bothered me. I remember an infestation occurring with some of my friends in high school and when I found out I hadn’t touched them for weeks even thought I knew intellectually that they weren’t contagious. Not once had I hesitated to touch Studly throughout the day. He had miserably apologized a few times and said he felt disgusting and I had easily hugged him and told him it would be OK. Where was my disgust?

Then with dawning horror I realized that it didn’t bother me because I cared more about Studly than about bugs literally burrowing into my skin. That I loved this man. It took a parasite to make me see it, but I love Studly. I was so shocked I spent the next few hours quietly musing on my realization. This in turn led Studly to suspect that I actually did find him disgusting.

“You’re so quiet, why won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” He demanded, worry in his eyes. I thought about how to tell him how I feel. He watched me taste the words, convinced that I would say that I didn’t want him to spend the night.

“You don’t have to say it back,” I cautioned him, “but I think I love you.”

He relaxed. “Oh. I love you too.” He said, as if it was something we’d said a million times before.

After covering his entire body with a cream, we went to sleep in each other’s arms. I’ll stop the mushiness now. When I woke up, I absentmindedly scratched my arm and Studly grabbed my hand to inspect my wrist. Two little rashes had appeared overnight. Motherfucker.

So I hauled myself to my doctor and got a lecture about scabies. It turns out that I should have undergone the treatment with Studly the night before to ensure that I wasn’t a carrier with no visible symptoms. It can take two weeks for the rashes to form. Mofo! If I hadn’t come in, I could have re-contaminated him AND Sam the Cat. Great.

After accepting a prescription, I was diagnosed with…hives. I didn’t have scabies at all (and never had any sign of them); I got hives from the shampoo they used on Sam the Cat. We underwent the second treatment together and he’s slowly losing his rash. I guess in a way it was fortuitous, since it made me realize my feelings. But really, I could have done without the bugs, washing Sam and massive amounts of laundry.

Evelyn’s Goes Public

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My Facebook is drier than the Sahara. I don’t post rants or jokes, I don’t put controversial articles or anything that could offend a potential employer someday. All of my pictures are me fully covered and usually smiling sweetly at the camera. Similar to a grinning sabre-toothed tiger slowly biding it’s time before attacking.

In other words, I recognize that there are many aspects of my life that I don’t want 250+ acqaintences to know about. Like the anniversary of my dad’s death, for example. I don’t put up somber or cryptic Facebook statuses (unlike my brother, who wrote last year “Such a sad day lives on in my memory” and his 500 FB friends were asking what was sad, and the six who actually knew what was going on were offering inspirational and meaningless quotes or little comments like “I remember years ago, so sad, so sad”).

So after Evelyn started dating a completely inappropriate guy then they broke up, I didn’t expect to see much on her Facebook for a while. Until yesterday when I saw her status was “I didn’t expect this pain so soon.” Of course everyone and their mother were commenting, asking what was wrong. Turns out The  Asshole already started dating again, updated his status to “In A Relationship” and left disgustingly gooey messages all over his girl’s page. Something he never did when dating Evelyn. Hell, she was over the moon when he would “like” her statuses!

So of course, she told everyone on Facebook and elicited sympathy with her status. I hate when people do this, because ultimately it’s a move done to manipulate others into making the person feel better. I don’t like being manipulated. She got to hear how awesome she is and how he’s going to regret their break up from a ton of friends. The thing is, he’s moved on. Clearly he’s already happy with someone else. I know he did a lot of emotionally abusive things (like call her names, passive aggressively ignore her and then demand her immediate attention, etc) but she wasn’t a walk in the park either. She’s extremely needy and would text him constantly. She manipulates people into giving her compliments. All the fucking time.

She has a habit of giving you a compliment and then berating herself in the same sentence. Things like, “Oh I love your hair today! My hair looks like total shit, I didn’t even brush it but yours looks amazing!” This obligates you to say how wonderful her hair looks before you can even thank her for the compliment, because if you don’t it’s like you’re implying that her hair does look like shit. Now imagine this happening constantly when discussing clothing, hair, career paths…just about anything.

When we went to Mardi Gras I couldn’t stand the other chick we went with, but I was really impressed when this bitch called Evelyn out on it. Evelyn said something like “Oh I love your outfit, it’s so sexy. I look like a colorblind nun but you look great!” and the other friend said, “You’re trying to get me to compliment you and I don’t mind saying nice things, but the way you’re going about it isn’t OK. You can ask my opinion on your outfit, but don’t insult yourself to get attention. Grow some self respect”. Harsh, but well put.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Evelyn like a sister. Just because you care about someone doesn’t mean you don’t see their flaws. I guess she achieved what she wanted from her Facebook post – she got a ton of comments…

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