Note: I wrote this while Studly was still on his work trip, but didn’t have time to post it. It was brought back up when Studly informed me that he would be on his next work trip during our anniversary. I am…less than happy. That’s a very kind way of describing my reaction to his news…

The worst thing about being in a long distance relationship is when you know that your significant other is hanging out with other people and you get a twinge of jealousy because you can’t even meet their friends. There could be some crazy-gorgeous girl hanging out with him, but you never suspect because her parents cruelly named her Fern, so you assume she has glasses and bad posture. Meanwhile she’s a hottie with a penchant for Daisy Duke jeans. Or maybe they named her Drew and you assume it’s some guy who went to Georgetown until you see a picture of them together.

Jealousy is hard in most relationships, but gets worse when the person is far away. Let’s be honest, even if it’s minimal we all “monitor” our significant other to some degree. Children are incredibly honest because they don’t understand social pressure to conform yet, so while adults realize that being too possessive is a negative trait many of us are just like that three year old in aisle 3 of the toy store, holding on to a stuffed bunny that was made in Indonesia for 30 cents but retails for $19.99 like it’s a life saver and they just fell off of the side of the Titanic.

Never letting go (of that overpriced bunny)…

Studly is very honest about his jealous streak, which I don’t mind until he fails to take into account that I have one of my own. Last week we were chatting on Skype and some kids were playing outside. They were throwing Snappers on the ground and with a sparkle of mischeif in his eye, Studly asked when I’d bought a whip.

I laughed and played along, “It’s just a quick dominatrix video Studly, I’ll send you an advance copy.” I giggled, then told him, “No, it’s just kids playing with Snappers.”

He stared at me for a few very long seconds and then got upset. After he’d calmed down he explained that even though it was a joke, the thought of me with someone else really hurt him. I apologized and said I wouldn’t make jokes like that again.

That wasn’t the only time my jokes hurt his feelings – a few days later I mentioned that I was going to the local fair with my cousin, a girl. She has a history of getting in trouble but is a mere 98 pounds, so I said that if worse came to worse I could stop her from doing something stupid by sitting my fat ass on her. Studly said he didn’t like the thought of me sitting on anyone but him, even if it was a woman and I’m straight…and she’s my cousin. Fine, I cut the jokes about sitting on relatives.

Then there was the day that Curly, my coworker that is usually a jerk  decided to be nice (I’ll write about this day later!). He held my car door open for me. When I mentioned the day in passing to Studly, he asked if Curly was interested in me. I guess men can’t be gentlemen without there being an ulterior motive.

It’s not like I haven’t been honest. I went to a bar with a friend and a man asked me out. I said, “I have a boyfriend” but that didn’t deter him so I left the bar since he wouldn’t leave me alone. I was honest with Studly that this had happened because I never want to keep something from him, have him find out and then lose his trust. Even though it’s nothing to worry about.

I’ve been accommodating to his jealousy and completely honest, but it seems like he didn’t expect that to be a two way street. He got drunk with his coworkers and Skyped me when he got home. Then when talking about one of his coworkers who is gay he said, “It’s fine that he’s gay, more women for me.” I realize he was drunk but really? REALLY? So not OK for me to joke about sitting on my cousin, but fine for you to joke about having a shot with many women. I shut that shit down right away, there will be no double standard in this relationship.

Jealousy – necessary evil or the sign of overly sensitive individuals?