Ever since SlipNSlide admitted having feelings for my boyfriend, we haven’t really spoken. But since she is my brother’s girlfriend and my boyfriend’s best friend (when the fuck did I fall into an episode of Days of Our Lives?), I’m still invited to her birthday. Studly and I jointly gave money to RockStar to buy her a laptop and I wrote her a card from us. Studly also arranged for an additional small gift for her from him as well as helping clean her whole house and yard in anticipation for the party.

I showed up after work and it was clear almost everyone had been drinking for a while. I won’t go into too much detail but my ex-boyfriend Pretentious Author’s brother was there. Joy! He’s convinced I’m still in love with Pretentious Author and just too pathetic to move on. Even though PA got married…and had a kid…and is writing a book about his sexual exploits…and is clearly a jerk. Even after meeting Studly, the brother still seemed to think it was all a set up, but maybe that’s because he was totally trashed.

One thing that SlipNSlide wanted was a big stick that lit on fire for her to twirl around. She’s learning to be a fire dancer, which is actually pretty cool. Studly decided to buy a broom as a gift just from him and detach the head, so she would think that the stick was her fire stick. Then we would pull out the fire stick her sister bought her. Not the best idea when someone is drunk. She opened the broom and started screeching about how mean it was. Even when given the actual fire stick, she was still pissed about the broom and no one would let her light the damn thing because we were convinced if she breathed on it she would go up in flames.

I stayed just long enough for her to open her laptop and watch her mouth form the words, “It’s not an iPad“. At that point I was sober (I have no idea why I volunteered to be designated driver, I should have started drinking and made Studly drive) and I was completely done with her. I mostly avoided SlipNSlide, helping my mom to play beer pong for the first time and then watching her kick ass at Quarters. In her words, “I knew I learned something useful in college!”

Essential items for my mom in college…

Finally Studly came up to me and said he was tired and really drunk. We started saying goodbye to everyone and I realized the birthday girl was missing. We eventually discovered her in her bedroom trying to set up the computer alone. I gave her a quick hug goodbye and wished her a happy birthday. I left the room so that Studly and SlipNSlide could say goodbye alone.

There are some people who would find that strange or wonder why I wasn’t curious to hear what was said. It’s my belief that if you have to watch your significant other to make sure they aren’t doing something wrong or questionable, they’ll find a way to do it anyway. If you have to monitor someone, then maybe they aren’t the right person for you. If I felt that something inappropriate would be said or done after I left, I wouldn’t be with Studly. There wouldn’t be any point. And I trust that if something is said to him, he’ll tell me.

Which is exactly what he did.

Studly is one of those people who gives and gives. Those types usually find people who take and take, which is the type Studly usually dates. His last girlfriend had no job, no car, no prospects for either, relied on him entirely for everything and cheated on him frequently. He just kept giving her gifts and attention and love because he wanted to feel needed. Luckily he worked all of that out and is now with me and I can take care of myself just fine, thank you very much. SlipNSlide is a taker as well just like RockStar is a giver. SlipNSlide told Studly after I left that she was disappointed that he hadn’t given her an amazing gift like he had said he would. She felt like he could have done better.

Wow.

To recap: he put in money for a laptop, got her a card, a broom and cleaned her house. For his birthday she gave him…a call at midnight. After pointing all of this out to her she said, “Yeah but you promised me a good birthday and this wasn’t good.” We left shortly after that and I haven’t heard from her since. What a sense of entitlement!

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