My Facebook is drier than the Sahara. I don’t post rants or jokes, I don’t put controversial articles or anything that could offend a potential employer someday. All of my pictures are me fully covered and usually smiling sweetly at the camera. Similar to a grinning sabre-toothed tiger slowly biding it’s time before attacking.

In other words, I recognize that there are many aspects of my life that I don’t want 250+ acqaintences to know about. Like the anniversary of my dad’s death, for example. I don’t put up somber or cryptic Facebook statuses (unlike my brother, who wrote last year “Such a sad day lives on in my memory” and his 500 FB friends were asking what was sad, and the six who actually knew what was going on were offering inspirational and meaningless quotes or little comments like “I remember years ago, so sad, so sad”).

So after Evelyn started dating a completely inappropriate guy then they broke up, I didn’t expect to see much on her Facebook for a while. Until yesterday when I saw her status was “I didn’t expect this pain so soon.” Of course everyone and their mother were commenting, asking what was wrong. Turns out The  Asshole already started dating again, updated his status to “In A Relationship” and left disgustingly gooey messages all over his girl’s page. Something he never did when dating Evelyn. Hell, she was over the moon when he would “like” her statuses!

So of course, she told everyone on Facebook and elicited sympathy with her status. I hate when people do this, because ultimately it’s a move done to manipulate others into making the person feel better. I don’t like being manipulated. She got to hear how awesome she is and how he’s going to regret their break up from a ton of friends. The thing is, he’s moved on. Clearly he’s already happy with someone else. I know he did a lot of emotionally abusive things (like call her names, passive aggressively ignore her and then demand her immediate attention, etc) but she wasn’t a walk in the park either. She’s extremely needy and would text him constantly. She manipulates people into giving her compliments. All the fucking time.

She has a habit of giving you a compliment and then berating herself in the same sentence. Things like, “Oh I love your hair today! My hair looks like total shit, I didn’t even brush it but yours looks amazing!” This obligates you to say how wonderful her hair looks before you can even thank her for the compliment, because if you don’t it’s like you’re implying that her hair does look like shit. Now imagine this happening constantly when discussing clothing, hair, career paths…just about anything.

When we went to Mardi Gras I couldn’t stand the other chick we went with, but I was really impressed when this bitch called Evelyn out on it. Evelyn said something like “Oh I love your outfit, it’s so sexy. I look like a colorblind nun but you look great!” and the other friend said, “You’re trying to get me to compliment you and I don’t mind saying nice things, but the way you’re going about it isn’t OK. You can ask my opinion on your outfit, but don’t insult yourself to get attention. Grow some self respect”. Harsh, but well put.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Evelyn like a sister. Just because you care about someone doesn’t mean you don’t see their flaws. I guess she achieved what she wanted from her Facebook post – she got a ton of comments…