Evelyn left for college around the time I stopped updating my blog. It’s been tough missing her daily, but what’s been REALLY tough is hearing the sheer stupidity she’s been up to in school. Oh dear, you think, what could it be? Drugs? Pssh, not Evelyn. Anonymous Sex? Uh, no. Not Studying? Mmmm uh uh. This is the point where you look at me with disbelief and wonder what the hell she’s doing that makes me shake my head in sorrow over her mistakes.

Relationship Stupidity. That’s what she’s doing.

When she left she was very lonely and that’s totally normal. She moved 1,600+ miles away from her only home to somewhere in Buttfuck, Midwest USA. She would call me or her other friends and we would dutifully listen to her say how much she missed home…until it became the same conversation over and over and any suggestions for meeting new friends was ignored or worse, she told you why it wouldn’t work. For those of us who left home at 18, moved far away, made friends, became acclimated to a new place and did it on our own…hearing a 25 year old say we don’t know what it’s like can be galling.

After being told quite plainly by UberJerk that he was going to fuck whomever he liked and that they were just friends with benefits, she admitted that she “MIGHT” have been deluding herself.

A little too suddenly she found a guy who she quickly moved in with. He was a tender 19 year old college drop out. Yikes! Within two weeks she found topless pictures of another woman on his phone. Two weeks after that he confessed to her that he got a high school senior pregnant (!) but it “probably” wasn’t his.

I needed a Xanax and three shots to get through that conversation with her. She did “dump” him and move out, but they kept talking. FYI people – once you dump someone unless it’s mutual and you both want to remain friends, you really shouldn’t keep talking to your ex. Especially if they are a douchebag.

Soon afterwards she found a new guy, a Marine. Aside from the MANY warning signs that this guy wasn’t right for her, she persevered. Let me list a few that made me VERY nervous and/or made me face palm:

  • He told her that due to his stressful job (he’s going to be deployed to Afghanistan in May) he needed to concentrate and she was distracting him. He wasn’t going to contact her for a while. So he cut off almost all communication. Because nothing says “romantic relationship” like going two weeks without hearing from your honey not because they are deployed, but because you are bothering them….
  • He asked her not to text him because she was doing it too much. Yeah, she’s one of those girls.
  • He doesn’t call her for days at a time. Note that they don’t see each other everyday since his base is a 3 hour drive from her college town.
  • He told her he suffered from PTSD after his last deployment and had to be hospitalized, then “joked” about killing her and some of her friends, including me, after he gets back from Afghanistan. I think I have a great sense of humor but a guy who owns 7 guns giggling about murdering me…not so funny.
  • He licked…yes, licked…the inside of another woman’s mouth and put a picture of it on Facebook. Then when Evelyn confronted him he said she was smothering him and trying to stop him from having fun.

Since he “cheated” by licking some other woman’s teeth, he’s refused to take her calls but she doesn’t want to dump him because “he didn’t know that <Evelyn> had a boundary of no licking someone else’s teeth”. I usually don’t advocate assuming…but I think this case is a tad different! I asked why she didn’t just break up with him over text or Facebook if he refused to talk to her and she responded that she knew he was sorry and thinking about her because he’s been “liking her Facebook updates”. Awww, that brings a tear to my eye. GAG.

There we have it folks, reasons why I worry about Evelyn in college. She’s studying, not binge drinking and not having crazy sex but she’s dating an asshole who thinks threatening people’s lives and licking other people’s teeth is funny. Maybe if he threatened other people’s lives, but for some reason I’m invested in mine…

Stay tuned to see what else this asshat will do. I’m guessing that until she dumps his ass he’ll keep coming up with more!