Yup you guys, my beloved family dog who we’ve had for sixteen years had to be put down a few days ago. I was upset at the thought but then inconsolably heartbroken when we actually did it.

My dog, who we’ll call Puppy because she was always young at heart, was part German Shepherd and part Greyhound. She was a good 62 pounds and even at her advanced age she could outrun me on a good day when her arthritis wasn’t acting up. Her back legs, as with most Shepherds, weren’t great and she fell a few times. Fell to the point where we weren’t sure we could help her back up. Granny called me bright and early last Saturday to tell me Puppy had fallen and couldn’t get up. Since Granny has arthritis herself, back problems and other medical conditions she could no longer take care of Puppy and let’s face it, we hadn’t put her down because we didn’t want to say goodbye but she was in a lot of pain.

Unfortunately, I was out of town about 2 hours away visiting Studly. So I asked Granny to call me when the shelter opened and let me know if they even had a Vet on a weekend. If not, we would have to wait until Monday. If they had one I asked her to get an afternoon appointment so I could drive back and be there with Puppy when she died.

As usual my brother Rockstar did not answer his cell and only because I blew up his phone texting him about the situation did he contact Granny. I was texting with SlipNSlide, his girlfriend while I threw my stuff back into my bag and started to get dressed to drive back home. I asked SlipNSlide how Puppy looked, since I assumed they drove 10 minutes to Granny’s to say goodbye.

SlipNSlide: Not there yet. R u on ur way?

Zoogie2: Not yet

SlipNSlide: Y not??

Then out of the blue (I had been texting with SlipNslide, not Rockstar) my brother texts me.

Rockstar: Haven’t left? WTF? Get Studly’s dick outta you and hit the road!

Hold

The

Damn

Phone

First of all, where the hell did he get off saying such a blatantly rude and thoughtless thing to me!? Do you really think that I’m off having a sexfest with my boyfriend instead of preparing to drive back home to say goodbye to my dog? If this was meant to be funny, it really REALLY wasn’t.

Especially given the fact that I often visit Granny to help her with Puppy – taking her on walks, cutting her nails, grooming her, etc. Things Granny can no longer do. Things RockStar has NEVER helped with. Implying that I put my gratification before the family pet is insulting. I sent him back a few scathing text messages and then cut him off. I made the drive back and rushed into Granny’s house.

As I was inspecting Puppy I asked when RockStar and SlipNSlide had left, since they clearly weren’t at the house.

“Oh, they haven’t shown up yet.” Granny responded. What fucking bitches. So my brother implies that I’m knocking boots while I’m driving two hours back home, but he hasn’t even shown up and he’s 10 freaking minutes away!? I updated Granny on the text message and my very strong feelings about it. After making some hollow excuses about RockStar being upset, Granny changed the subject. They showed up shortly afterwards followed by my mom and Harley and we had a farewell lunch where we ended up feeding Puppy small scraps of her favorite foods. We took her on one last walk in the sunshine and Harley carried her to the car.

Granny and Mom went into the Shelter to fill out paperwork and I stayed in the car alone with my dog. Maybe she was afraid we were going to the vet, or maybe she didn’t know what was going on at all; perhaps my crying scared her, but she was shaking like a leaf while I ineffectually tried to calm her down. I told her what a good girl she’d been, what a sweet and happy dog. How much I love her.

Then we drove around to the back of the shelter and two men pulled her out of the car. They took her collar off and handed it to us then pulled her away while she yipped and tried to run to Granny. Confused, I asked if I could stay with her during the procedure and they said no, we needed to leave now. Half blind with tears I led a sobbing Granny back to the car. The final blow to my heart occurred as Mom drove us away and my head was craned around looking at my dog, Granny covered her face with her hands and cried out “What did I just do??” The minute we got home she placed the collar in my hand, the beautiful collar I bought Puppy years ago – the soft blue with brown curlicues long faded and dirty after years of rolling in the dirt, running through the open field by Granny’s house and nights spent snuggling with family.

I found out that if we had waited until Monday to go to the vet we could have stayed and pet her while she died. It was just the shelter’s policy that kept us from being with her. I feel guilty that Puppy’s last thoughts might have been that we didn’t love her anymore or that she didn’t matter to us.

I’m so, so sorry for that. RIP my love…

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