Lady annoyed me, she ignored my pleas for a reasonable noise level, she alienated the other tenets with her selfishness, but until this particular day she had never disgusted me. I guess there is a first time for everything.

One gorgeous Saturday I was stuck inside working on a paper for class. La Actress had gone out to enjoy the beautiful weather so I sulked at the kitchen table trying to write a paper about some boring subject. I remember how quiet it was that day and how slowly I became conscious of a rhythmic dripping sound. Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip…eventually I realized that that sound was in my apartment but I wasn’t sure what it was or where it was coming from. Happy to ignore my homework, I got up and started looking around. First I checked the A/C to make sure it wasn’t leaking, then the dishwasher and kitchen sink, and even opening the windows to see if it was a leak in the hose for the back garden. Everywhere I checked seemed fine, but I could still hear that obnoxious dripping sound, so I decided to investigate the bathroom. What I saw horrified and disgusted me.

The sink had backed up and water was actually coming up out of the drain and covered the counters. The water had a grayish tinge with small globs of off white that looked like chunks of cottage cheese. I grabbed a cup from the kitchen so that I could put some of the water from the sink into the toilet, but I hesitated. I couldn’t stand to touch the white chunks without knowing what they were. I decided to call the building manager before I touched the gunky looking stuff. After confirming that he was on his way over and leaving the door unlocked for him, I sucked it up and started bailing out my sink into the toilet. White blobs fell off the counter onto my floor and brushed against my fingers as I desperately tried to remove the water from the sink. Slowly I was able to take the water out faster than the pipes pushed it up, all while water slowly slid down the counters onto the floor at my feet.

Suddenly, the building manager was there, trying to help me. After we had the water at a manageable level, he hurried upstairs to see what was going on with Lady. It turns out that our plumbing was connected. As we put together later on, she’d been wearing a new type of facial mask which had clumped when she washed it off. It ended up backing up the pipes which forced her water up into my pipes and into my bathroom.

When he ran back downstairs, I could hear her shouting at him. “Well, how was I supposed to know that was going to happen? Maybe you should take care of the building better – the pipes need to be cleaned!”

Wow, what a charmer. There wasn’t a terrible amount of damage – the floors, counters and I needed to be cleaned and disinfected (facial mask or not, those clumps were icky) and the toilet paper roll was completely drenched. Other than some of La Actress’ makeup brushes getting soaked, everything else was fine. In the end, we just threw those things out; La Actress agreed with me that the brushes should be discarded – it just seemed to gross to reuse them. What were we going to do, sue for a roll of toilet paper and a few makeup brushes? Lady never offered to replace our things and didn’t even condescend to apologize.

I have 101 stories about Upstairs Lady, from the time she moved in until she dragged her sorry ass back to a “real house”, she found ways to annoy us. Isn’t the sound of heels going up and down the hallway and staircase enough!?

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