Well this is an awkward turtle moment. Um, yeah sorry I was gone for so long. I have a good excuse, no wait! TWO good excuses:

1) I have a boyfriend whom we’ll call Studly. He’s amazingly sweet, really smart and a stud muffin. OK, now I have my gag reflex going. I’ll stop with the mushiness.

Sorry I dumped you guys for a man. Promise on my kidney it won’t happen again (and if it does, I have a spare one of those!).

2) I had a massive allergic reaction that took my ass out like an inexperienced person playing Mortal Kombat (FINISH HER!). I puffed up like a balloon (very sexy, I know) and had to be hospitalized for a brief period of time. What am I allergic to? Yeah, that was my first question too. Here’s the shocker: I’m allergic…to a virus.

I know, you’re asking yourself, “WTF? Bitch be crazy.”

I am indeed crazy, but it’s true. I was infected with a typical virus but my body is actually allergic to it. So things went crazy and I wasn’t able to fight off the virus. The longer it was in my body, the worse things got. I’m finally doing better, but now I’m terrified of being re-exposed to it.

So yeah, my bad for ditching you guys (all…2 of you). But I’m back! And I have stories! Be on the lookout for some updates. Mwah, love you…both.