I don’t think I mentioned Stones in my Halloween post last year, but I should have. Basically I flirted with this cute guy while I was drunk only to realize that Evelyn has a thing for him. While we carried her off to bed (she was so drunk she couldn’t stand) she started screeching about him not liking her. I was so drunk I couldn’t even laugh at that moment.

After Halloween, she told me she wanted to ask him out but didn’t know how. She decided to take him out for an ‘apology drink‘. You know, for screaming that he didn’t like her or think she was pretty. She said it went well, but then he avoided her for weeks. In between upset moans about how he didn’t find her attractive and worry that he thought she was an alcoholic, EP found out some information. Stones is…a super stoner. He’s a wake an baker. He puffs the magic dragon multiple times a day. Evelyn has never done drugs and is openly derisive of them, so she stopped communicating with Stones.

Fast forward to a few months ago, when I resurrected my dating profile. I was flipping through my matches and saw a familiar face. Oh no way, I thought to myself, it’s Stones! I told Evelyn, because that’s what friends do and I ignored his match. Then I found out that almost all of my friends are moving away in August, since most have finally transferred from the local community college. In August, I’ll be virtually friendless here in Hometown.

I thought about it and figured that while Stones isn’t someone I’d want to date, he was a lot of fun and maybe he’d want a new friend. So I contacted him and asked if he wanted to hang out some time. I made it very clear in my message that I was looking for a new friend. We agreed to meet up for some pizza and we hung out. Which consisted of him telling me Every. Single. Thing. He. Does. It was one long, rambling monologue about what music he listens to, his job hunt, his plans for school, life, etc. I was surprised he didn’t describe how he brushed his teeth in minute detail. There were about four instances when he paused to ask me a question, but they were mostly like this:

“Yea, I love Rock and Roll, the real stuff, not that new age crap. Stuff like Marley, I don’t know who can go around claiming that music from the 90’s was rock and roll. That’s bull. You like Marley, right?”

Zoogie2 nods and opens her mouth.

“Good! Right, Marley is totally awesome. This one time my friend and I were smoking and jamming to some really hardcore Marley and…”

I think you get the picture.

I mostly spent the entire time contemplating the meaning of life and trying to remember if I’d fed Sam the Cat or if I was going to be attacked by an angry feline when I got home. Definitely not a new friend and certainly not a love connection. I told Evelyn about having pizza with him and she shrugged.

Then he started texting me. Every few days he’ll ask me a question (How’s your day? Did you go to the parade this weekend?). Didn’t seem like a big deal or anything. At one point he asked if I wanted to see Transformers 3 and even though I haven’t seen any of the others I agreed. I showed up and he had bought the tickets so I bought lunch afterwards. The conversation was much better the second time, but it felt like going out to eat with a friend, nothing romantic at all. We did a side hug goodbye – which screams “FRIEND” not “romantic interest”.

I told Evelyn the truth about seeing Stones occasionally. After all she’s my best friend and I don’t want her to be uncomfortable with the situation. She told me she doesn’t have a problem with it but doubts that he sees me as a platonic friend. I was hanging out with EP and Evelyn when EP brought Stones up.

“Umm Zoogie2? Are you dating Stones?” I gave her a confused look.


“Are you sure?”

“How can I accidentally date someone and not know about it?” My eyes narrowed, “Why do you ask?”

“Well, I was at a party with him and some other friends and he mentioned going to a movie with you. He made it sound like you guys had something.”

“We don’t.”

“Does he know that?”

“Dude, he’s given me zero indication that he’s interested. I’ve told him about dates I’m going on and some of the guys I’m seeing. That says ‘asexual friend’ not ‘potential boyfriend’. Plus I couldn’t be more clear about us being friends.”

When Stones asked me to go to another movie, this time in Los Angeles for the day, I hesitated. He said his cousin was in a movie premiering at a film festival and his dad couldn’t make it so they had an extra ticket. His whole family was going aside from the dad, did I want to go? Hmmmmm. I think it’s safe to say that you don’t invite a potential girlfriend to meet your whole family after two possible dates. You invite a platonic friend who you think will enjoy the film. I said yes and kept my eyes open.

His family was fun and the carpool to LA was long but cheerful. We grabbed lunch, watched the movie which was pretty good and then got drinks before heading home. Everyone was comfortable and not once did anyone treat me as anything but the tag along friend. His mom didn’t question me or look at me like she wondered if I was good enough for her only son. Which means I’m just the friend – proof! If the roles were reversed, my mom would have interrogated him and given him suspicious glances if she had any indication that I had an interest in him. Actually, that only proves that my family is crazy and completely validates me (see? this is why I’ve never – yes, you read that correctly, I have NEVER – brought a boyfriend home. She’ll scare them off).

In conclusion, I have fun with Stones but we are not dating.