So to summarize: I planned on seeing HOTTT one last time because I’m in need of some action but I was really going to cut it close time-wise. Back to the story:

So there I was sitting at my desk running through a few chaise lounge fantasies when…I see my phone is blinking. I look and find a text from HOTTT.

HOTTT: Can we shoot for tomorrow night? I have a major exam tomorrow.

Geezus. This reminds me of college – except I was the bitch who bailed on a horny guy to study, not the other way around! I took some serious deep breaths, shook my head in anger and emailed Evelyn.

Zoogie2: Mother. Fucker. He cancelled. Granted, for school (test tomorrow), then said “tomorrow night?” Uh no. EP’s birthday party. I guess I’ll see if he can do Friday. Will the cupcakes stay OK that long? I mean, I covered them with saran wrap

I sent a quick text rescheduling for Friday and received one back saying “That should work”. No sorry you’re going to suffer the fires of hell waiting to make out with me or I’ll bring you something shiny to make up for my complete jackass-ness. I didn’t really text him after that – not to figure out a time, not really anything. Remember when I said that when the going gets tough I sit it out most of the time? Yes, this is one of those moments. But I feel completely justified.

Evelyn: Yup they will keep. I’m sorry he is a stupid man bitch. Would you like to hang out tonight to make up for it?

So we made plans to grab fro yo after my meeting. And I ended up staying up until 3 in the morning again. But at least this time it was talking and laughing with my best friend, rather than watching shadows skate across my ceiling all by my lonesome. Evelyn and I had a really productive talk about our relationship expectations and why the guys we’re seeing don’t meet those expectations, then I proposed to her. No, seriously. I know it’s still illegal in California, but I told her that as long as we could see other people (read: I can sleep with hot men) and we never have sex (which is totally what marriage is all about, by the way), then I would super marry her. Then she could cook for me all of the time (I’d end up crazy fat) and she would have someone willing to pretend that they actually manage their 401K, plus I promised she could have my clothes if I die an unnaturally early death. It’s just like Leave It To Beaver.

I’m going to skip the recap of EP’s birthday party for now, because I haven’t finished writing background on a guy that I met through EP who has some mysterious motivations concerning me. I pinky promise to finish that post – which you really shouldn’t trust because there are people out there who pinky promise shit and then plan on Photoshopping their pinkies being removed from their hand for breaking said promise. Not that I’m calling anyone out on that. But I will point out that karma will seriously come after you if you pinky promise things and then don’t deliver. *Cough GD Cough*

So let’s fast forward to Friday, shall we?

HOTTT was supposed to come over at 7:30. I raced around my place cleaning up, showering, putting on my makeup and fixing my hair. I sat down to work on my mandatory training because I had some extra time. After a few pages of reading, I glanced at the clock. 7:40

What the fuck? So I did what I always do, I texted Evelyn.

Zoogie2: HOTTT is late, how long should I wait to text him?

Evelyn: How late?

Zoogie2: 13 minutes. Not that I’m counting.

Evelyn: Text @ 15. Call @ 1 hour. Bar the door and settle in with your vibrator at 1 hr & 10 mins

Zoogie2: That’s disturbingly specific

This is a situation I haven’t encountered before. He’s always shown up early. Way to make me feel even crappier.

Zoogie2: Maybe I should just text something like “need directions to my place <winky face>”

Evelyn agreed but I decided to leave off the winky face because “late people do not deserve a winky face” as I told Evelyn. HOTTT responded right away.

HOTTT: I’m kinda trapped at the moment but ill .able to leave in about 20

Are you fucking joking? No explanation or apology and you haven’t even left yet? Maybe Evelyn’s barring the door comment was right. Or maybe I’m being an overly analytical female and reading too much into this, but have I made things too easy for him? Would he be more respectful and text more often if I wasn’t drooling over him? Questions that don’t require an answer, because I’ve already given up. Wow, lack of commitment sure does make my life easier. Well, thanks for confirming that you aren’t right for me. I’m the kind of person who shows up 10 minutes early to everything. Except work, but that’s because of the insomnia. He was already 25 minutes late and he wouldn’t even leave for 20? Not cool dude. So I settled in with my training manual and shrugged it off. Ah, not caring. I love it.

He showed up an hour after our original time. I was deep into training and didn’t hear him walk in (it was hot and my door was open) so he scared the crap out of me.

I gave him a cupcake and we talked for a while. He really can be charming and funny when he wants to be. You’ll note that he didn’t offer an explanation and I didn’t ask for one. We watched a bad scary movie and cuddled on the couch. You know that the man is stunningly fine when even Sam the Cat is charmed. That’s right, the cat that can’t stand my mother (well, who can blame her?) and barely tolerates me was mesmerized by the beauty of HOTTT and sat right next to him, meowing and purring while we watched the movie. He must be a goddamn magician or voodoo doctor to make Sam like him. Actually, he had me purring too so maybe it’s just females in general? After the movie I had the make out session I wanted. I did tell him not to leave any more hickeys on areas that would be visible, but he seemed to find that difficult. Definitely not as bad as before but it annoyed me that I kept having to police him when I was trying to focus on enjoying myself. I sent him packing at 3AM and called Evelyn to giggle a bit.

Why the hell do men give hickey’s in such visible places? Evelyn says it’s a way of marking their territory (well, at least it’s better than peeing in a circle around me) and warning off other guys. Sort of like how Hawaiians wear a flower over one ear if they’re married and another if they’re single, or the point of wedding bands. Except you’d think he would take the time to call or text if he was so concerned about what other guys are checking me out. Seems like buying insurance on a boat you don’t own. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he did it because he knows I like the feeling, even if I don’t appreciate the effect. All in all? Not a bad way to end things.

Thus ends the saga of dating HOTTT. Dating him, not him in general because the next night Evelyn made some discoveries of her own…