Wow, and I thought I was dumb when it comes to guys. Congratulations Evelyn, you officially are more boy-oblivious than I am.

Last weekend I called Evelyn and we decided to see Green Lantern (and by decided, I mean she said she wanted to see it and I acquiested, because I’m cool like that). We grabbed dinner while we waited for the movie to start, then she remembered her grandfather was visiting the next day and she wanted to make him a cake. So we trooped over to the grocery store and got cake mix. While in line to buy the mix, she started talking about her new neighbors. She’s dog sitting for a friend for the next two months and the house next door to them has been unoccupied for the last few weeks.

“Yea, one of the guys came over asking for his football, he kicked it over the fence into my backyard.” My ears perked up. Guy? There’s a guy? Better than that, there’s more than one?

“Uhhh what guys?”

“Oh! I could have sworn I told you. Four foreign exchange students from Ireland moved in next door a few days ago and-“

“Holy Fuck Evelyn! What the hell? Four hott men from Europe move in next door with their sexy accents and red hair and you don’t even pick up the phone and call? I thought we were best friends! Did that necklace from Claire’s mean nothing to you??”

“I swear I called you! Maybe I meant to call you. Listen to the whole story before you freak out!” I grudgingly let her continue. “So this guy comes over and asks me for his football. We go into the backyard and I’m looking for this damn thing but I can’t find it anywhere.”

“Was it a soccer ball?”

“Yes! How am I this dumb? He totally mean soccer ball and I’m looking for the wrong damn thing, so I walk by the soccer ball like four times while he’s pointing at it. I felt so stupid.”

“Naw, it’s just a difference of wording. So when can I come over and see them?”

“Dude, you won’t even want any of them.” I felt my face fall. Why the hell not?

“Why the hell not?” I thought it and said it. It’s not a typo.

“They’re total pansies. They were in the front yard lifting weights” – I let out a little squeak. Hott Irishmen lifting weights? I hated Evelyn in that moment – “and they were struggling with the bar. You know the little bar.”

“The 20 pound bar?”


“But even I can lift that bar!” I have virtually no muscle mass, hell I have to ask my neighbor Banker to open jars for me, but I’ve been able to lift the 20 pound bar since Jr. High.

Evelyn is actually super strong. She was overweight most of her life and two years ago her doctor warned her about everything she could face if she didn’t lose weight: high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease…you get the picture. So she went to the gym twice a day for a year. Cut out all bad foods…she lost over 80 pounds! Plus she’s totally cut and could probably rip the heads off of small animals.

“Yea, so it was just sort of sad.” At this point we were at the front of the line. “I mean, I wanted to go over and spot for them, because I was afraid of one of them being crushed to death since they’re all so skinny but I didn’t want to intimidate them.”

“Aren’t you used to it by now?”

“Yeah, but I try not to emasculate every man I meet. It’s bad enough that the men at the gym are afraid of me.”

“That will be $4.59. So, what gym do you go to?” I turned to the checkout guy. He was cute, and he was checking Evelyn out. I turned back to her and deliberately looked at him, looked at her, looked back at him and then raised my eyebrows.

“Oh I’m at <gym>. You?”

“The YMCA. I don’t think I’d be intimidated by you.” He said with a grin.

“You haven’t seen me lift weights. I can dead lift over 150 pounds.” Ummm ok. Not the best flirting I’ve ever heard. Personally I would have said ‘But would I be intimidated by you‘ or maybe ‘You haven’t seen me in action yet *wink*’ or how about ‘Hi I’m Evelyn. How about we hang out some time and see if I can intimidate you loffles’. Anything but what she said!

He handed her back her change and we walked out of the store. Evelyn turned to me.

“Was he flirting with me?”

“Holy cow dude, yes. Yes! YES!”

“Oh no! I didn’t even realize until now!”

“How can we have been best friends since the womb and you can’t take two seconds to read my subtle clues telling you that he’s interested?”

Movie wasn’t half bad. I’m still going to visit Evelyn so I can see those foreign exchange students…