Wow I’m moving up in the world! I found some new search terms that caught my eye and I plan on making fun of…I mean dissecting the motives behind these right after I puke. Sorry, #2 is kind of gross.

real snake skin bra

OK, I wrote that my bra looks like snake skin, it’s patterned after snake skin, but it’s silk. I’m actually wearing it right now. Jealous? I thought so. I’d say where I got it, but I’m boycotting that store until they start carrying cute things in my (new and hopefully temporary) size.

Question – why the hell would you want to wear a dead animal on your chest? I’m not a crazy PETA extremist or anything, but that just seems gross. You don’t know where that snake has been, did they slither through a chemical plant? Or maybe you think that the scales will increase your cleavage. Maybe you hope that the bumpiness will hide the fact that your body suffers from an embarrassing “reaction”. Hint: wear a bra with some padding to cover up any embarrassing nipple moments. My bra is build like Fort Knox, not an easy thing to feel through. I make my men work for the privilege, no one appreciates something that they get easily. So in conclusion, save the snakes of the world for the zoo and not to cover your flat and/or nipply chest.

fucking my biological sister

I’m back, sorry I vomited a little in my mouth at this one. HOW DID YOU GET TO MY SITE WITH THIS SEARCH TERM!?! Now, it’s none of my business if two consenting adults want to have sex, but why make the rest of us suffer knowing that somewhere in the world, someone is Googling incest? And why come here? I don’t even have a biological sister! I’m a little concerned about what topics I’ve been spouting off about and how search engines are matching people up to my site. Extremely concerned…

loud sex etiquette

Do you think that the person who used this term to find my site was the person who suffered through loud sex or the one who enjoyed it? Yea, I assume suffered too. People who have loud sex never seem to realize it, unless you’re doing it on purpose in which case I’m pretty sure Dante assigned a whole level of hell just for you guys! In that level you all wear chastity belts and are incapable of having any sex at all, but constantly hear other people having fabulous sex. It’s an appropriate punishment.