Now that I’d gotten my car fixed and La Actress had blackmailed me into moving into a more expensive apartment, I was determined to be cheerful about my circumstances. Our place was really nice – it had black counter tops in both the kitchen and bathroom with white appliances. Everything had a black and white theme except for the carpet, which was a deep blue.

La Actress was so excited for our new place; she decided we needed a decorator. Luckily, she had a friend in design. *Pause*. Yes, she wanted to hire her friend to design our apartment…which we were renting…and we had almost no money between us. Great idea!

G came in and immediately started talking about wall fixtures, dark furniture and allowing no colors except dark wood tones and our one red living room chair. I was hesitant when she said we should hang dark drapes, I was resistant when she said we should buy black slip covers for all of our chairs, I was annoyed when she said we should get matching sheets on our beds, and I was irrationally livid when she told me that my TV stand looked like crap and I should paint it black.

My dad left me the TV stand, he stained it himself before he died. Fuck you, bitch. We never did get the drapes, chair covers or matching sheets and I let her know that the TV stand wasn’t changing no matter what she said. La Actress was convinced that painting the TV stand was a good idea and asked her sister, G and another friend to try to convince me. Obviously, it didn’t work and all of us were uncomfortable around each other for a while after I asked them if they would change their furniture over such a stupid reason, especially when it had sentimental value to them. Then La Actress went out and bought a bunch of mirrors, sconces, and decorations in black and white. We lived there for two years and she never put them on the wall.

Oh, and I was right. After buying all of that crap and not budgeting, our first month she had to borrow rent and utility money from me. I bitterly regretted letting her blackmail me into that apartment, but as I learned later the devil you know is sometimes much better than the one you meet on Craigslist…