I guess I had a theme this weekend – sitting out in the sun too long and being drunk off of champagne. On Friday night some coworkers and I drank so much champagne that I became convinced that if you shook me my head with pop off like a cork. I tried to share this visual, unfortunately I was slurring so much no one understood.

On Saturday I woke up ridiculously early (it would have been too early no matter what, since I was hung over) so that Evelyn and I could drive south to go para sailing. We met up with some friends, including Teddi. You might remember her as the annoying friend who pissed me off at Mardi Gras. I figured that I didn’t have much choice (it was Evelyn’s birthday party, not mine) so I sat my ass down on the boat and said nothing. Slowly, everyone got up into the air and I grew more and more excited, jumping up and down in my seat. Finally, the super cute first mate pointed at me and I ran over to the deck with a grin on my face. I waited to see who he paired me up with (they were basing the pairing on body size so that one person didn’t drag the other sideways) and he pointed at…Teddi. Oh shit. My fun 10 minutes in the sky was going to be spent chained up to a whiny, complaining bitch. Great use of $70.

I took a deep breath and decided that since I had no choice I was going to make the best of it. The first mate hooked her up and we slowly ascended. Once we were in the air, I was surprised at how quiet Teddi was being. During Mardi Gras she used every lull in the conversation to talk about herself, her life, her plans, her ideas…you get the picture. I thought that maybe I’d underestimated her and that she was enjoying the peacefulness of the situation just as much as me. I had a waterproof disposable camera with me – I didn’t want it ruined if I dropped it on during the ascension – and I offered to take her picture.

“Oh no, oh no, oh no,” Teddi whimpered. I grew a bit concerned, was she afraid of heights?

“Uhhh are you ok?”

“No – ” *blaaagh*. Teddi puked. She proceeded to throw up another two times. Remember, I’m harnessed to the same balloon as her. She didn’t throw up on me, she turned her head away, but it was still not something I wanted on my para sailing adventure.

This may sound selfish but I didn’t want to indicate to the crew that we needed to get down. They had previously said that if you voluntarily ask to be taken out of the sky, you can’t go back up. I paid $70 for this ride and I wanted my full money’s worth, even if that meant being attached to a living vomit bag.

Teddi apologized and then let her whole body go limp. It was like looking at a marionette doll or something. Slowly, she perked up. “This is so weird; I’ve been para sailing before and didn’t get sick.” She said, looking miserable. I sighed and decided to be a good person. “Motion sickness happens. I won’t say anything to the others, it wasn’t your fault.” I grudgingly acceded.

Suddenly we started descending. Once we were unstrapped and back sitting on the cushions, Teddi leaned over the side of the boat and started puking like her stomach was a bottomless pit of vomit. Great. Since we were the first in our group to go up, everyone else was sitting on the far side of the boat. Evelyn glanced at me and made a circular motion with her hand, mouthing ‘rub her back’. I sighed, centered myself and tried to remember that it was Evelyn’s birthday. I reached over and rubbed her back, asking if she was OK. She nodded slightly, then leaned over and puked again. Lovely.

It wasn’t quite what I expected my first para sailing adventure to be like.

On the plus side, she was so sick she didn’t go to the party afterward. So the rest of us drank champagne, rubbed lotion on our sunburns and had a blast.