I’d like to introduce another coworker…Courtney! That’s not really her name, but when I think of her, it fits. Courtney is a thin, leggy natural blonde who is absolutely gorgeous and has a name that really fits her. She wears five inch heels to work every day (seriously!) and rocks all of the newest fashion trends. I decided to call her Courtney because when I think of that name, I think of that particular type of person – pretty, blonde, fashionable and sometimes a bit dense.

I first became aware of Courtney because of her choice in footwear. She has huge ass heels and wears them every day. A few years ago SpeedRacer asked if I’d heard about what happened to the new girl in the parking lot. Of course I hadn’t…yet. Apparently, after insisting on wearing her insane heels, she fell down and sprained her ankle. She actually wore 2 inch heels on her good foot until her ankle was better, then she went back to the five inch. I knew this girl was going to be interesting.

As I’ve mentioned before, SpeedRacer likes to play practical jokes. I’m not that fun of a target; I’ll usually track down the jokester and give them a dirty look, especially if it’s a busy day. Courtney usually doesn’t find out about pranks until after everyone else has noticed and then she’ll panic. It’s actually kind of funny. Courtney’s main job is selling our product, which is pretty hard. It’s not like we’re selling Word or Photoshop – staples of both individual and business computer usage. We’re in a niche market and our software is difficult to install; it has to be customized to each company we sell to which takes a lot of time and money. Selling this software is difficult.

After six months on the job with no sales (usually our sales reps make their first sale after 1-3 months, so Courtney was a bit behind, but it wasn’t that unusual. It was during the recession, after all), Courtney was a bit worried about her job. SpeedRacer decided to have a little fun with her so he updated her work profile to say “Sales” Rep, reminding everyone that she hadn’t made a sale. She wasn’t impressed when she saw what he’d done. A few weeks later, SpeedRacer was talking with her and was pointing out again that she hadn’t made a sale. In a desperate attempt to defend herself, she said “Well, I’m sure I will soon. I’m just getting started. I have had a lot of success in life!”

“What kind of ‘success’?” SpeedRacer goaded her.

“Well, ummm…I was the most popular girl in high school!” She blurted out. Touché Courtney. With her looks, I believe her.

SpeedRacer on the other hand, had an idea. He quickly headed back to his cubicle and rushed to update her work profile. He changed her job title to “Self proclaimed most popular girl in high school.” It took days before someone pointed it out to her, and she was pretty pissed off. I’m sure it looked professional to all of those older sales reps who said she was only a pretty face…

I’d like to take this opportunity to point out that she’s actually doing really well now and has made quite a few sales. But that hasn’t stopped SpeedRacer.

Last week we were headed to the water cooler and walked by Courtney’s cubicle, which was empty. SpeedRacer asked me to wait and then rushed into her cube giggling to himself. He pulled off a piece of tape from her tape dispenser and stuck it under the laser light on her mouse. If you’ve never tried it, it basically causes your mouse to stop working seemingly for no reason at all. He hurried back out of her cubicle and practically dragged me to the water cooler. I wasn’t there when Courtney got back and started trying to use her mouse, but I did hear that she had to call IT to fix her “broken” mouse and they still laugh when she walks by at lunch. It’s especially embarrassing because Courtney watched SpeedRacer do something similar to a former coworker; you would think she would have remembered.

And by the way, I’d like to remind you that SpeedRacer is now management. Way to set an example! From now on, I’m triple checking when I have problems before I call IT.

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