Quick Recap: My roommate from hell had loud sex next to me while I was trying to sleep, denied that it ever happened, flashed my Granny, set me up to take the blame for her idiocy, had sex again when she knew I was there and damaged personal property. Last week, I finally had the upper hand.

By sheer coincidence, Smiley, Badonk, RFH and I were all visiting our families on the same weekend. It was two weekends before finals, so it was our last chance to see our families before extreme studying (and then extreme partying!) occured.

Badonk, Smiley and I co-ordinated our return to the dorm. Smiley had received some new furniture from her mom and Badonk needed to be picked up from the train station. So Smiley picked up Badonk and I agreed to be there at a certain time to help carry furniture. When we walked in, everything was dark. By the nature of our relationship with RFH, no one had asked when she would be home. After carrying everything up and grabbing some snacks, we all headed to Badonk and Smiley’s room to gossip about what we’d done that weekend.

Smiley talked about a romantic day trip she took with her boyfriend. At one point, Badonk and I started giggling and joking around about her. Smiley shrieked and jumped under her covers to hide from us. Suddenly, she shrieked again, this time it didn’t sound playful. She popped out from under the covers holding a pair of men’s boxers. At first I thought they were her boyfriend’s, but the look on her face said differently. Someone, some guy had left his boxers in Smiley bed while we were gone for the weekend.

We rushed over to my room and saw that RFH’s bags weren’t packed at all. She hadn’t left for the weekend.

We sat down and calmly discussed what we were going to say. I suspected that she would do something like this, so I always kept stuff piled on my bed and took a picture with my phone before leaving. That way I could compare the photo to my bed when I got home. Plus I bought black sheets so I could…ahem…see if anything was amiss.

Smiley and Badonk assumed that because they were in a different room, their area was “safe”. Apparently not! Eventually, RFH strolled in. Smiley demanded a talk immediately and launched into a long speech about respect that ended in a demand for information about the boxers.

Amazingly (well not to you and I, dear readers. Becuase we know what this bitch is like!), RFH claimed that she wasn’t able to go home and went to a party instead. The party was busted and so they came back to our dorm (without asking Smiley, Badonk or myself for permission) and they hid the alcohol bottles under the boxers while they walked from the busted party to our dorm. The boxers must have been left behind because no one had sex at this party. It was completely under control.

Right. A party with copious amounts of alcohol and no one got crazy. Let’s all flash back to when she told me that she and her BFF didn’t have sex next to me, they were just faking to mess with me. Plus, hiding alcohol under boxers while walking past the dorm security guards wouldn’t raise any red flags or anything. Riiiiiiggggghhhht.

Smiley was leading this fight and she was determined to go down screaming. Once again I watched as RFH simply talked over her, like a steam roller over a pancake. I felt a sense of hopelessness overcome me. No matter what we did or said, RFH would never respect our things, our home or us. As long as this girl was in our dorm, there would never be peace. I may have said that I intended to outlast her, but maybe I was just being too stubborn. As much as I loved living with Badonk and Smiley, was it worth it? I had lost the will to fight, RFH was winning…

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