Last weekend was Halloween weekend – so you know my stories are going to be epic!

FRIDAY – Family Comes First

And by “Family Comes First” I mean that family should be the first ones you smack when they start acting like jerks. We decided to have Thanksgiving dinner on Friday night because some relatives that live in a different state were visiting. Granny decided to cook the dinner, but she’s recently been diagnosed with a condition that requires her to take a new medication. One of the side effects of that medicine is extreme irritability. So we were mixing wild children, an ill Granny and a holiday that is stressful in its own right. Yea, it was destined to be a disaster.

Picture it – I left work and sat in traffic for 40 minutes because everyone was leaving for the weekend. Then I get to Granny’s house and she and my mom are slaving away in the kitchen snapping at everyone who dared to invade their domain. And by “invade” I mean I walked through the kitchen to let the dog out and got yelled at. Grandpa was telling me over and over to “close the blinds, no close them, CLOSE THEM”. I was closing them, he meant “open the blinds” and when I pointed out that he was saying it wrong he blustered that he says “close” when he means “having the blinds moved away from the windows so light can come in.” Yea. That’s the definition of OPENING the blinds.

Then I got placed at the kids table, which I didn’t mind. But that meant serving everyone at the table and while I was doing that, plates of food were sent around the adult table without being sent to the kids table. When I got irritated that I was skipped over for the stuffing, mashed potatoes and broccoli, the adult table claimed that their table should get first dibs on everything. Um, no. I’m not making sure all the kids don’t choke and not getting a single helping of mashed potatoes while you have two mashed potato volcanoes sitting on your plate, you jerk.

Clean up was fun, because then the kids are running around and Granny is getting nervous that her good China will break. The men just sat there drinking coffee and not helping – as usual. Then came the after dinner games, with Granny getting very snappish because of her medications and most of the family getting angry with her over it. I’m not even sure that she realized that she was being irritable in the first place! Of course, you should consider that she cooked an entire Thanksgiving dinner with only my mom’s help AND she did the dishes – that would piss me off too. I love my family, but in small doses…very, very small.


SATURDAY – The Queen has arrived…

I was Queen Nefertiti for Halloween. Again. Honestly, I was too lazy and cheap to buy a new costume. Evelyn had a party and I ended up having a fun time (I think). I do know that almost everyone was smashed by midnight – hell, Evelyn had to be carried to her room by 11:30 but that certainly didn’t stop the party. All I know is that we drank all my rum, I had to dance sitting down because standing was not working out for me at all, and that I shouldn’t have skipped dinner to straighten my hair. Trust me; I was regretting that on Sunday morning.

SUNDAY – Recovery and Frustration

Sunday I spent sleeping and trying to ignore Sam the Cat, who was suddenly obsessed with cuddling, which was making me nauseous. I managed to get up in time to take my visiting cousins out trick or treating. SlipNSlide thought we should go to a certain neighborhood that is known for their extravagant Halloween festivities. This was a mistake. Big Mistake. My cousins were running around getting lost in groups of children, there were people everywhere and cops were crawling through the neighborhood arresting drunk drivers and crashing teen parties. Basically, it was a nightmare. We didn’t stay long.

By Sunday night I was ready to go home and sleep. When I got home I took out a sweater to wear Monday to work. I went to turn off the living room light and when I walked into the bedroom, Sam the Cat was chewing the sweater like it was ambrosia from heaven. That’s when I noticed it was made out of the same material as the blanket she ate. Damn her! Now I have cat drool all over that shirt!

In other news – if you live in the U.S.A, are an adult and have the ability to vote – you better get out to the polls now!