I love reading the blog Confessions of a Conflicted Mean Girl. She has a style of writing that is very entertaining. On Thursdays, she has a theme of “Throwback Thursday” – writing about (hilarious) past events in her life. This is my version of Throwback Thursday…The Horror of my Roomate From Hell.

I was a naiive, downright idiotic freshman excited for my first semester of college. I signed up for dorm housing and was given free reign to choose my dorm room. The dorms at Generic College were apartment based, so four people were thrown into two bedrooms with a shared lving area and bathroom. I had the brilliant idea of choosing the dorm closest to the college…and farthest from the cafeteria.

I randomly chose a floor and a apartment space. I signed up late because the email they sent reminding me to sign up was lost to my SPAM filter, so by the time I got around to searching, almost every room was taken. I decided to go with a room with a girl named “Y”, because it was the first open one I found.

Cue to the move in day. I showed up with boxes, bags and annoying family members in tow. I was the first one there (they staggered the move ins so that there wasn’t a traffic jam getting to the rooms) and I started unpacking. Smiley and Badonk, who lived in the other room in the apartment eventually showed up but no “Y”. Two weeks went by and I figured that I’d lucked into having my own room. I was a little disappointed as well, because Smiley and Badonk became best friends and that’s how I always pictured my first roomate.

Three weeks into the school year, I decided to visit home for the first time (and do all of my laundry). I got back to school on Sunday evening, walked in with all of my bags and met RFH, my Roomate From Hell for the next three months. [Side note: Roomate From Hell is the name my family gave her. I’m not sure they even knew her real name…]

She was Lysol-ing every inch of our room. With the windows closed. I opened the window and she immediately launched into a thirty minute background about her life. I learned that she was from a rural community and had been raised as a deeply religious Christian. She didn’t believe in sex before marriage and was waiting for her future husband. I could respect her views although I wondered how well we would get along if she chose to pray every night next to me, an atheist. I figured I could have gotten a worse roomate. At least she was clean and I wouldn’t have to deal with late night visitors. I’m a glass half full kind of person – as long as my glass is half full of rum, I’m content.

~Ok I know I could have done a better job with the pic, but I didn’t have a lot of time~

She mentioned that a friend of hers would be driving through the area within the next few days and needed a place to spend the night. I wanted to have a friend of mine visit a few weeks later, so I agreed to having her best friend stay with us. I told her that as long as she and her BFF didn’t keep me up the night before my first midterm, it would be fine. I was very nervous about this test because I’m not the best at science and it was a 3 essay exam in Biology.

Fast forward to a few days later…I came home from school, ready to hunker down and study for my midterm the next day. I walked in on RFH and a guy making out on her bed. Okaaaaay. I glaced back at the door; nope, no sock. She introduced me to her ‘best friend’. Ohhh I should have asked what gender this friend was. Strangely enough, I wasn’t used to going around and making out with my best friends. Not sober, anyway!

I went to the common area and started studying. My other dormmates, Badonk and Smiley were studying as well so we barely noticed the time pass. Around 11 I decided to head to bed, since my midterm was first thing in the morning. RFH and her BFF were on the couch watching a movie, so I drifted off to sleep, feeling prepared for my test.

I fell asleep right away and was blissfully unconcious. Suddenly, I jerked awake. Something wasn’t right. I let my conciousness sink in…I was in my bed, it was dark, it seemed to be pretty late, definitely not time to wake up yet…moan.

Whoa. That wasn’t me moaning, who was — small shriek. What the hell!?

That’s when I realized that RFH and her BFF were much closer than I’d realized. And that waiting for her future husband wasn’t high on her priority list….